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Friday, January 27, 2023

V's Take

Codependent or just clingy?

My girlfriend and I have been together for eight months. We do absolutely everything together. On the few nights that we can’t sleep in the same bed, we fall asleep together on FaceTime. My friends believe my relationship is not healthy and codependent, but I think they are jealous. How can I tell if this is true?

Hometown habits die hard

Happy holidays, hometown hoes!

Dear reader, what’s in the frat pools?

I put forth this itching and burning query – a sensation similarly induced by the pool itself – to you dear reader, what could possibly be in the opaque vat of liquid we so shamelessly call a pool?

Dear FSU, a Miami rejection letter

Happy homecoming! I’m sure you’ve been made abundantly aware that our neighbors to the north, Florida State University, will be on our turf for a football rivalry game as old as time. No matter the outcome of Saturday’s game, we can all rest assured that we, our proud community of ‘Canes, have won the best prize of them all; Unlike the thousands of safety-school-Seminols of Talla-nasty, we got into the U. If I had the pleasure of writing one of the many rejection letters addressed to a now FSU student, it would go a little something like this:

“Put me in coach!”

If Miami football has taught me two things, it’s don’t get your hopes up, no matter who the head coach is, and block the wide receiver’s Instagram, no matter how smooth the opening line (trust me he’ll just fumble the bag). So, I’ve decided to put together my own team. Call your bookies babes, cause we’re bringing home some dubs. Meet V’s starting 11:

Swipin’ right: V’s Tinder-licious swipe guide

Even amidst the sticky atrocity that is UM’s hook-up scene, there’s a good pipe for everyone. So, I have come to share my saged wisdom and help you navigate who you horndogs should swipe right on. Thank me later.

Valentine’s Day Sex Playlist

Kink Shaming

Homecoming DILFs

Semester of celibacy

Letter to freshmen

Stick it to the man

Ganja Gremlin

How many shots?

V is for vaccinated

HIV is not a joke

How to prepare for a funeral

A very COVID-19 Valentine’s

Moving forward

Role play