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NEWS BRIEFS

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SCHOOL OF NURSING RECEIVES DONATION
The Hospital Corporation of America, East Florida Division, has awarded $500,000 to the School of Nursing at the University of Miami. These funds will support the Student Affairs Suite in the new M. Christine Schwartz Center for Nursing Education, the $19 million, state-of-the-art facility scheduled to open for the fall semester of 2004. Endowed by a generous $5 million gift from Ted and M. Christine Schwartz, the M. Christine Schwartz Center for Nursing Education will house all of the faculty and students under one roof for the first time in the school’s history. The four-story, 53,000-square foot facility will offer approximately 400 students each year the highest quality in nursing education and provide a home to a growing cadre of internationally renowned nurse educators and researchers. Designed by the Miami-based architectural firm Bermello, Ajamil & Partners, the facility will include high-tech classrooms and seminar rooms, over 50 faculty offices, clinical practice labs featuring the latest technology and a computer center. Entire wings of the Schwartz Center will be devoted to innovations in teaching and learning as well as research labs for cutting-edge nursing research.
ORANGE BOWL COLLECTION NEEDS HELP
The United Way Orange Bowl Collection is scheduled for the UM vs. West Virginia football game on Oct. 2 at 7:30 p.m. The Orange Bowl Collection is the annual student fundraiser with all money raised going to United Way. Over 250 volunteers are needed, so all support is greatly appreciated. All volunteers receive a free T-shirt! If you have any questions, call the Volunteer Services Center (UC 240) at 305-284-GIVE.
FANTASY FEST WITH MTV
Are you going to Fantasy Fest this October in Key West? Want MTV to follow along? If so, contact them at ultimatepartyshow@mtvstaff.com.

CONSTRUCTION ALERT
Now through the end of November, road construction will be occurring on Dickinson Drive. The northbound lane will be partially barricaded on a daily basis during the construction. Flagmen will be directing traffic around the barricades to allow continuous access at all times. For more information, contact Orlando Bomnin at 305-284-6749.
FESTIVAL MIAMI IS ON ITS WAY
When is a festival more than a festival? When it’s Festival Miami! Produced by the School of Music, Festival Miami has entertained audiences with a dynamic and diverse range of musical performances. But beyond these popular performances, which present extraordinary guest artists together with UM music students and faculty, the Festival provides important educational enrichment. Visiting artists conduct special master classes with UM music students and faculty, and these unique learning opportunities are open to the public. As part of Festival Miami’s 20th Anniversary Celebration, which runs until Oct. 25, William Hipp, Dean of the School of Music, extends an invitation to all who are interested in attending any of these special master classes. For more information and schedules of the master classes, please call (305) 284-3941.

CALENDAR

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TODAY

Belly Bust presents a night of high-octane laughs fueled by the renowned Mexican-American comedian Juan Villareal from 7 to 9 p.m. at the Rat.

Applications for Homecoming 2003: Hurricanes Help the Hometown Site Leader are due in the Volunteer Services Center (UC 240). Make sure to sign up for an interview time when you turn in your completed application. For more information, call 305-284-GIVE.

Hurricane Productions and ‘Canes Night Live present Casino Night at the UC Grand (Patio) from 8 p.m. to 12 a.m. Stop by the UC Pool for a pool party with mock-tails and games. Enjoy a free food buffet on the UC Strip (Breezeway) from 9 p.m. to 12 a.m. Then end the night on the Green watching the movie Ocean’s Eleven from 11 p.m. to 1 a.m.

Festival Miami presents Festival Brazil Part II with Claudia Villela at Gusman Concert Hall at 8 p.m. Tickets are $15 for adults and only $8 for students. For more information, contact 305-284-4940.

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 28

Oceana holds their kick-off meeting at 7 p.m. in the International Lounge of the UC. For more information visit www.oceana.org.

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 29

Everyone is invited to attend the Nicaraguan Students Association meeting in the UC at 7 p.m. For more information, contact um_nicas@hotmail.com.

Public Relations Student Society of America will hold its general meeting in Ballroom C at 5:30 p.m. Membership questions will be discussed. Yvette Harris from Harris Publishing will be speaking about entertainment PR.

TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 30

Are you a commuter student interested in a free lunch? Well, if you want to save some money, eat a good meal, and spend time with other commuter students, then the Commuter Student Luncheon is right for you! The first Commuter Student Luncheon will be from 12 to 1p.m. in the Lewis Room at The Rat. For more information, contact Dana Ponsky at 305-284-5646.

WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 1

The Counseling Center and Multicultural Student Affairs will be hosting an Open House in the Student Services, Building 21. Enjoy free food and enter to win prizes at the raffle.

Join Hispanic Heritage Month for Latino 101, a discussion on issues pertaining to Latinos, at Eaton Residential College from 7 to 9 p.m. Refreshments will be served.

TUESDAY OCTOBER 7

Hispanic Heritage Month presents Chasing Papi at Cosford Cinema at 8 p.m.

THURSDAY OCTOBER 9

Got questions about depression? Come to the breezeway from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. and get a depression screening. For more information, contact the Counseling Center at 305-284-5511.

La Casa Cultural, Theater Arts, African American and Latin American Studies and the Foreign Literature and Language Department present Dominicanish by Josefina Baez, an Afro-Dominican performance artist, at Pearson Residential College at 8 p.m.

SATURDAY OCTOBER 11

Join the Hispanic Heritage Month Committee and friends in a night of live music by Tito Puente Jr. and his 15 piece orchestra at Omni Colonnade Hotel from 8 p.m. to 12 a.m. Dinner will be provided. Doors open at 7:30 p.m., with dinner being served at 8 p.m. For more information, contact MSA at 305-284-2855.

REPORTER’S PERSPECTIVE: ‘Guiding Light’ scouts UM for new soap stars

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Name: Samantha Riepe
Height: 5’9″
Weight: 140 lbs.
Hair Color: brown. . .ish
Eye Color: blue
Previous Experience: I was in the background of a segment on the 11 o’clock news once.
My Tryout:
I got there just at 9:30, to a line that rivaled. . . probably only the one that would form for Charlie’s Angels 2 later that night. Seriously, I was expecting a mob a la American Idol tryouts, but without that poof Ryan Starfish or whatever his name is. Instead, there were maybe 40 random people there, about half of which looked familiar. . . a chick from the Sunsations, Katie from ‘Canes Gone Crazy, that kid who won 2003 Boy of the Year – all of them with more notable performance experience than I, whose only claim to fame is that I once stood on-camera behind someone being interviewed for the local news.
I skipped out around 10 for class. When I returned at 11, the line was really dwindling. These weren’t the hardcore hopefuls from earlier. One kid almost left when he found out there wasn’t free food. Such dedication.
I was grouped with my new friends (bonded by our crappy-muggy-line-waiting-experience) Katherine and Federico to go see the casting director, Ron. He was laid back in that I’m-judging-you-all-based-on-appearance kind of way. He confirmed that we all went to UM and then asked us the question we had waited upwards of 17 sweaty minutes to hear: Why had we come there? I think we were all wondering that by then. Katherine’s RA had prodded her into going, Federico was up to trying anything, I was a journalist by day, self-proclaimed drama queen by night – Ron listened to all our answers and tried not to fall asleep. He informed us when callbacks would be (I’m sure he was trying hard not to laugh), and we were off.

Name: Jorge Arauz
Height: 6’0″
Weight: 165 lbs
Hair Color: dark brown
Eye Color: brown
Previous Acting Experience:
I act like I like people sometimes.

My Tryout:
I got there late. I had to piss and I was sweating, but I waited in line anyway. As you can see from my headshot, I wasn’t really taking the whole thing too seriously, but a lot of people there were.
“This could make or break me,” I heard one girl say.
The wait was about an hour, but at least the staff and cast were cool.
When I went into Cosford to meet and interview with the casting director, he asked me why I had waited in line for so long.
“Well, because I like to stand in long lines,” I replied.
But I really wanted to be famous. I think he knew I was lying.
He looked at me. And he looked at me again. And I looked at the CBS 4 cameraman in my face, and I said, “Hi, Mom,” in my head.
Then the Guiding Light guided me right out the door.
But they kept my headshots.
Damn.
Better luck next time.

So you want to be a SOAP STAR?

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and Jorge Arauz

Someone from this campus could be the new evil clone/paraplegic/kidnap victim or onion-sniffer on the longest-running daytime drama ever: CBS’s Guiding Light. Casting Director Rob Decina held one of five open casting calls at UM’s Cosford Cinema on Wednesday to find new talent for the soap opera.

“I think there’s this sense of style here [at Miami] and this incredible, warm energy that I’m aware of that’s really exciting,” Decina said.
The open call lasted four hours. CBS cameras were at the event, documenting the activities that went on for most of the day.
Each hopeful filled out a short application with basic contact and descriptive information. A write-in section allowed applicants to elaborate on any prior acting or related experience.
Many mentioned the acting experience they received posing in front of a bathroom mirror or socializing with people they really didn’t like.
“I’m just doing this out of curiosity – I say, try everything once,” said Frederico Cuodra, a sophomore who joined the line thinking it was for a free movie preview. “I haven’t even seen Guiding Light.”
Actor Marty West, who plays 18-year-old Shayne Lewis on the show, walked up and down the line outside of Cosford Cinema, chatting and stapling headshots [requested but not required] to applications.
West’s character is a paraplegic recovering from an unfortunate car accident.
West, 24, told The Miami Hurricane that he got his start in L.A., at a casting call much like Wednesday’s tryouts.
“I tried out in L.A., flew to New York for a screen test about eight days later and signed on about eight more days after that,” he said.
Many of those present were clueless as to what to expect.
“Nobody told me what to do, so I’m just going to go in there and be myself,” Aaron Serbu, freshman, said. “I’m just here to have fun.”
Others weren’t as calm.
“Man, I’m nervous,” Kendrick Ribeiro, a sophomore at Florida Atlantic University, said. “I hope they’re looking for a character that worries too much.”
During the process, applicants were asked to enter Cosford Cinema in groups of two or three to answer three basic questions: “What school do you attend?”; “What’s your major?”; “Why are you here today?”
Academic majors ranged from theatre arts to journalism to psychology and biology.
Reasons for attending ranged from “I wanna be famous” to “I’ll do anything to miss class.”
“I just want to make my mama proud,” Ribeiro said.
Each audition lasted a few minutes, and those auditioning were told that callbacks would be sent out later that afternoon – maybe.
The Miami Hurricane was unable to obtain the exact number of individuals who had been called back at press time.
Two finalists from UM, a male and a female, will advance to New York City with eight others from other colleges throughout the country for a live screen test on The Early Show, where viewers will vote for their favorite potential star.
Winners will star in weeklong summer roles on the drama.
The Miami Hurricane is in the process of obtaining the names of the UM finalists. We will spotlight each in an upcoming issue of the paper.

Samantha Riepe can be contacted at sriepe@miami.edu; Jorge Arauz can be contacted at um_newspaper@yahoo.com.

L&A PARTY CALENDAR: Ladytron’s Mira shakes asses, Victoria Silvstedt’s “Hottie” party, FANNYPACK unzips for the wildest show of the year!!!

TONIGHT

Before you go out on the late night, why not hit up TheHurricaneOnline.com and sign-up for our free email newsletter? Or better yet, sign-up all of your enemies. As Surfider Prez Kevin “Prefontaine” Dean says, “Why not?”

Mira of Ladytron puts that ass to work (fun work) during her two-hour guest DJ stint at Revolver, located at (use MapQuest dodo) 175-193 NE 36th Street. For more info, journey along the Web to ClubRevolver.com.

Haven’t heard this band yet (just got the demo today, in fact) but they seem like cool people. JOEPYE are making the rounds all over the city, playing for the hipsters at POPLIFE to the Guiness-meisters at Churchill’s Pub. Tonight they’re on the beach at Sandbar Lounge, 6752 Collins Ave, playing from 11 p.m.-3 a.m. – now that’s heart. Call 305.865.1752 for the skinny.

Sometimes I wish I had a super luxx girlfriend who’d suddenly break my heart on a Friday just to make me experience college a little deeper. If that actually happened, I’d put on a hoody, get drunk and go watch Amores Possiveis at the Cosford. It starts at 8 p.m. and was imported here from Brazil and probably makes little sense, which is pretty great.

Actually, maybe not. Why not go to Opium on the beach and try to party with Playmate Victoria Silvstedt? …yeah, right. She’s there hosting “The Miami Hottie Talent Search,” which makes the odds of getting over yur ex pretty damn favorable. Don’t drive drunk, though. It’s located on 136 Collins Ave. and dress to impress bruddahs and sister saviors.

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SATURDAY
Oooh, la, la. NYC’s playskool bass-heads, the sexy barely legal Fannypack, will cause your alcoholic beverage to disappear like their high school virginity. It’s the one year anniversary of Soho Lounge, located in the place where Revolver goes down, 175 NE 36 St., with a fashion show courtesy of YoYo – remember last week’s feature? S!ck!

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SUNDAY

Rent Run Ronnie Run at Blockbuster and go to bed early. So lame, dude.

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ALL APOLOGIES

Life & Art would like to send a shout to DJ Johnny Strokes from Spider-Pussy, who should have gotten credit for the DJ on last issue’s cover (instead of Counterflow’s Induce). Our bad, Johnny, our minds be gettin’ blurry, you know what I’m sayin’? – Omar Sommereyns

DVD review: RUN RONNIE RUN! into my trashcan

It’s hard, no, make that impossible, to introduce you to the happily straight jacketed, shroom-hilled land that exists in the minds of David Cross and Bob Odenkirk.

The two comedians lured a legendary and still growing collegiate cult following with the hilarious mid-’90s HBO series “Mr. Show,” even though it only ran for three seasons. When the show was abruptly cancelled, everyone hailed them as genius martyrs and ravenously craved for more.

That is, until they created this long, long shelved cinematic disaster known as Run Ronnie Run! The movie is a one hour, 15-minute version of a 20-minute “Mr. Show” skit featuring a smashy trashy drunk named Ronnie (a badly wigged David Cross) who can’t stop getting arrested. It’s also about the man who makes him an American celebrity “badass,” the smarmy Brit and oddly named Terry Twillstein (Bob Odenkirk).
But being the half-assed film this is, you need to see it for yourself. Example: Here’s the opening scene:

Stupid, trashy, redneck white girl with saggy tits: He ain’t gonna eat it (referring to a dog staring at a puddle of vomit in a gas station parking lot).

Clay (stupid, balding, accident prone redneck who always wears flannel. I think he’s gay): A hungry dog will eat anything. Come on, dog, eat that vomit!

Stupid hungry dog: (eats the vomit).

As the movie goes on, you too, will begin to wish that you were eating vomit in a gas station parking lot instead of watching Ronnie enrage cops by stealing an Elvis impersonator’s wig and hiding in barrels full of oil.
It’s not all saggy tits and puke, though. There’s also a saggy, pukish plot.
Out for the quick buck, Terry Twillstein notices that Ronnie is always getting arrested and, after failing as an entrepreneur of kitchen appliances, takes Ronnie to Hollywood to make him star in a television show that highlights all of Ronnie’s mishaps with the police. Airing in America, the show obviously becomes an instant hit and soon Ronnie is plucked from that gas station chugging beers to partying poolside with semi-big hitters like John Stamos, Scott Ian, and the lead singer from Anthrax. Garry Shandling even gives him two joints (probably to make viewers think he’s a hip stoner, even though no one cares who the hell he is).

Ronnie’s success makes him privy to banging the hot-and-dumb-and-full-of-cum Kayla (the hot-and-dumb Nikki Cox from the WB’s “Unhappily Ever After”). Cox can’t really act and she’s actually pretty annoying, but, boy, it sure is nice to see Ronnie ogle her big, fake titties. She wears a bikini for most of the film, which is good, because you can perv-up her boobs and ignore her unimportant dialogue. But wait, that’s exactly what’s so tarded about this movie. Bob and David, funny as they are, have spent years bitching about the lack of creativity in Hollywood. They had a shot at making their one absolute contribution and it ends up only three notches higher than Joe Dirt – albeit 20 above Dickie Roberts.

David Spade is so bad.

If anything, rent this trash for $4.50 just for the scene where Ronnie and Kayla link up.

Ronnie: How’s about Dr. Ronnie takes this here hard-on and writes you a prescription for a hot beef injection?

The scene then jumps immediately to a music video by THREE TIMES ONE MINUS ONE, a fictitious R&B group comprised of Bob and Dave as seen in season two of “Mr. Show.” The movie really should have just consisted of this video and nothing else.

In it, a silk robed, wigged Cross and a heavily pimped-out Odenkirk, complete with top hat and dreadlocks, sing on a rooftop about the “monstrosity of ecstasy, biography of nudity” that is the beef injection of Ronnie and Layla. The duo is shown dipping diamond necklaces in chocolate, as well as placing “erotic magazines and erotic tangerines” around lingerie-clad women. Cross then gets into the missionary style position with a black chick on a bed and croons “Tonight I challenge your pussy to a fight, a pussy-doodle-doo. I stuck my peeeeeenis into your thoughtful vagina.” Odendirk chimes in with with an, “Aw, Shit!” and then traces his cane across an open anatomy book showing illustrations of vaginas – class.

After this, the movie surges downhill in content and laughs, with Jack Black cameo-ing (he owes his career to these guys) as a street sweeper who sings, alongside a cartoon purple squirrel, about kicking women in the crotch. Shoot me.

One time my ‘stached-roommate Nate and I saw an enormously fat little kid pushing an entire shopping cart of food all by himself in a Publix parking lot. Was he going to eat all that food by himself? Either way, it reminded me of the ending of this movie, where a really fat kid beats up 8 henchmen (Matrix-style! So gay) thus freeing Ronnie from jail.
The fat kid should never come out on top.

Kevin Dean can be reached at biigdeano@aol.com.

Film Review: Duplex **1/2

Witnessing a film directed by Danny DeVito for the first time is an experience onto itself. One might go in expecting a standard comedy, and instead the result is some bizarre science experiment, testing the tolerance humans have for manic camerawork and oddly timed violence.

There are critics who simply label DeVito’s methods as over-directing i.e. doing so many crazy things behind the camera that it distracts people from viewing a film naturally and possibly hinders actors performances. But DeVito is a jittery little guy. Even the characters he plays in other directors’ films always seem to talk too fast and pace around too much. DeVito channels this frantic energy into his films, and as a result, he rarely lets the camera stay still or the viewer stay comfortable.

His latest film is Duplex, starring Ben Stiller and Drew Barrymore as Alex and Nancy, a happy young couple in search of their dream home. Unable to afford anything sizable in Manhattan, they head to Brooklyn, where a charming old house is practically awaiting them. The only problem is that a little old lady lives upstairs, and because of the rent clause, they can’t kick her out.

So, with their new house discovered, Alex and Nancy inherit a tenant, Mrs. Connelly, who’s been there so long that she only pays $88 a month. At first it seems like the elderly woman, whose soft Scottish accent is both soothing and sharply irritating at once, can’t and wouldn’t harm a soul. But somewhere, probably off to the side of the set, DeVito is pacing, muttering to himself. Things have to change fast.

On Alex and Nancy’s first greeting with Mrs. Connelly, they bring her a bottle of wine to celebrate. She invites them inside, and politely brings them glasses for the wine. They quickly learn that she doesn’t drink. “It’s a sin,” she points out matter-of-factly as they awkwardly take sips.
Juicy little lines like this one litter Duplex.

The story is wonderfully tangible, a fun idea wagging in front of screenwriters until they go “Doh!” Mrs. Connelly’s seemingly innocent routine disturbs the younger tenants severely, and this causes them distress at home and at work. They never fight as a couple, but soon enough Nancy loses her job as a magazine designer and Alex’s book deal falls through. They’re left with very little money and a lot of time to plot the demise this very un-sweet old lady.

Which is a pretty tragic story if they were merely plotting against a random senior citizen, but one of DeVito’s best qualities as a director is making audiences absolutely despise a lone character. In Throw Momma From the Train, he managed to boil up so much hatred for “Momma” that her shrieking and wrinkled grimace (courtesy of the late great Anne Ramsey) has lived on in the psyche of moviegoers for years. In Duplex, the ante is doubly raised; the loathed character emits sympathy from her looks, challenging DeVito to work his devilish magic.

Stiller and Barrymore seem like an ideal combination on paper, but they’re only decent here, neither hit especially high comedic notes. Stiller, having starred in countless funnier pictures, is still incapable of being unlikable, while Barrymore plays the whiny wife with half-interested ease. Little surprise that the most memorable performance come from the old lady, Eileen Essel; who, at several billion years old, is a relative newcomer to film.

Half way in, DeVito succeeds modestly at having the audience wish for Mrs. Connelly death as much as Alex and Nancy do. The intensity becomes rather enticing to watch: what will they try to do to her? When she inadvertently gets the best of them, particularly when she has Alex unclog her sink, only to spray murky brown liquid into Nancy’s face until she vomits down the drain onto him, the film is doing its job well.

DeVito loves this kind of stuff. His camera wobbles around the room, zooming and flying in all directions, exploiting every potentially interesting angle like a Prodigy video. But despite such creative enthusiasm and a little twist at the end, the body of the film is very straight-laced. Jokes fall flat, and DeVito crosses the line of tastelessness once or twice like he’s doing a checklist.

Though, be glad he approached this generally solid pleaser in the first place. And a few word of advice, don’t see it heavily medicated or on a full stomach without an empty popcorn bag in hand.

Shawn Wines can be reached at shawnwines@aol.com.

ALBUM REVIEWS:They Came From The Sky in A Diamond-Studded Chariot (or didn’t): Richard Devine, Constantines and Defari

Richard Devine
Asect: Dsect
****
Atlantan electronic music producer, Richard Devine, was flung into stardom after his remix of Aphex Twin’s soul-eater megahit “Come to Daddy” was released on a compilation of remixes released by reputable electronic + hip hop label Warp Records. His previous effort on Miami’s Schematic records was largely slept on by music aficionados, but 2000’s joint release between Schematic and Warp, the inhuman metallic jawdropper, Lipswitch, proved that one remix wasn’t just a serendipitous brush with perfection.

Started as a four song EP, Asect: Dsect evolved into 13-tracks of digital bliss. Most of the songs on the album started as tracks intended to be performed live only, but after some tweaking, live tracks are indistinguishable from those originally intended for at-home use. Don’t be misled, however. This is not music to be listened to on a boombox. This is not music to be listened to on one of those bookshelf style combo stereos. The only way to experience Richard Devine is with a component stereo system, volume twisted loud enough to envelop you in sound like a Maxell commerical. DSP trickery allows Devine to give sounds the illusion of swirling around the room, circling your head and seamlessly jetting back to the speakers.

Turn the volume up even more, eardrums willing, and the music takes a step backwards, creating a focal point four or five feet behind the speakers. Pops and snaps jet back and forth between the speakers, playing some sort of musical ping-pong across your entertainment center. Like Devine’s releases before it, this album is a strange mix of dance beats with drums bubbling up-and-out of the pot and daymare tracks of wispy synthesizers and crackles saturated under a healthy reverb.

Unlike most artists who can’t pick a style and stick with it, though, Devine moves seamlessly from the upbeat sonic barrages to the atmospheric minimalist compositions. Most of the standout tracks are those bullet-laden with beats, but the factor that really drives this album is the consistent production. Devine mastered this himself entirely on a 24-bit platform. His talents as a producer haven’t gone entirely unnoticed, either, as he was recently signed on to produce the next Nine Inch Nails album. Thinking ahead to the gadgetry available to him in Reznor’s multi-million dollar studios; Devine might just make me a fan again.

Asect: Dsect will soon be heard on UM’s WVUM 90.5. For more info visit Asphodel.com and Schematic.net.

– James Hush

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Constantines
Shine A Light
***1/4
Behind the slightly obsessive nod to D.C. punk, Toronto’s Constantines can sound like a neurotic nightmare version of Karate, both in melodic choices and in the occasional jazzy breakdown. They do pack a heavier punch than that bluesy trio, and so their second full-length release is a welcome ebb and tide of dynamic rock ‘n’ roll music.

The instrumental hook of the title track, the horns at the close of “Insectivora,” and the modest swells of “Young Lions” point to the smarts of this group in adding a real keyboardist, not just some kid with a Moog and a Farfisa. Respect is due to gruff vocalist Bryan Webb for putting some roots into the mathematical equation that is Constantines’ approach to music, hereby freeing the songs to swagger and sail loosely.

In these two avenues (keys and vocals) Constantines do succeed in their aping of D.C.’s Fugazi in the respectable kind of way; by marrying very complex and perhaps relaxed rhythms with the aggressive sound of post-punk and hardcore. They sound very little like the original punk outfits in anything but mentality perhaps, but if your group can exist on the quality radar half way between old stalwarts like Karate and the big F, you must be doing a few things right.

The last facet of this release that provides some serious appreciation is its appeal to various tastes without being catchy. A disc that can be appreciated by music lovers half-deaf at 21, it can and should be accepted with open arms by the sappier folk. Constantines are an ideal release of rock heaviness for one and all.
For more info, visit Subpop.com.

– Michael John Hancock

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Defari
Odds & Evens
**
Defari’s back from a four year hiatus, after ’99’s justifiably slept on Focused Daily, and it’s hard to imagine that there was a big push for a second release from this former high school teacher who “fell from the sun with a fire tongue” (I’m quoting here if you can believe it). Despite his scholarly background, D’s convinced that he played for the Lakers or that everyone in the world thinks he did. You know you gotta bang a playmate, rape a groupie or at least get AIDS to do that – a master’s degree from Columbia just doesn’t cut it; neither do Defari’s rhymes.

Every bar’s delivery is so uninspired and dry that cottonmouth can’t take all the blame, i.e. “The D-E-F-A-R-I” (on the wow-what-a-sweet-titled “Spell My Name”) and so forth; only Big Daddy Kane can spell out words and sound dope, and even that’s pushing it. There’s simply nothing original on this album, it’s just like Focused Daily even though none of the songs sound the same. I’m not reaching here, there are dozens of albums out with beats that aren’t that bad and lyrics that are just scraping par with a spotted handicap or some other lame metaphor, like the entire Ruff Ryder catalogue for example; X, bark at me dog!

The “Behold My Life” remix is the only track that does it for me but as soon as “Bush is back/ now we at war with Eye-rack” drops wamp wamp (those were depressing horn sound effects if you couldn’t tell), it could have been a classic; songs like this make me want to cry. Babu, get some Visine, de-Dilate your Peoples and get some better rhymes, please, the tracks are there, it’s such a shame. Chocolate Ty is up in the mix though, showing Defari how he should’ve done it on “Hooks.” Trust me, if you hear this album, go right from 5 to 15 on your CD player, it’s ridiculous; Defari, see you in class.

– Sven Barth

Wine & Dine: When in South Beach, do as the Shogun

For the past two years, a striking, sophisticated, sushi Shangri-La has been waiting for the true seeker of divine dining to discover. A pleasant stroll down the west end of Lincoln Road may perhaps (if you’re lucky) lead you to the doors of Doraku. Inside, a surfeit of edible pleasures awaits…Doraku, meaning, “Joy of” in Japanese, is the perfect word for the perfect place to experience the joys of exquisite Japanese food, and of course, sake – with which this place seems to claim high expertise.
Doraku, owned by Benihana and Kevin Aoki, the son of Benihana owner Rocky Aoki, has a flavor all its own.

The atmosphere is like a waterfall – peaceful, serene, and full of life (althouth if this were the 18th Century, you could very well find a bold Japanese shogun munchin’ at the sushi bar). Covering the length of the ceiling are woven panels and above those you may be surprised to find the giant tentacles of an octopus, pulsing with light. Downtempo lounge music shoots subtle soundwaves for all the hipsters and customers. The design came from a renowned New York architect and is teeming with class and style – as well as comfort. Glowing globe lamps, classic symmetry and world art seem to accompany digestion as well as peace of mind. Man, all this sounds really zen, doesn’t it?

Specializing in sushi and sake, this spot serves more than 20 kinds of hand-selected sake from Japan and fresh sushi from the Atlantic to the Pacific. A recommended roll is the Doraku roll ($13) containing lobster, kanikama (crab), cream cheese, scallion, black and red caviar, then it’s deep-fried tempura style. The seaweed salad ($6), tossed with a chili sesame vinaigrette, or an aromatic bowl of miso soup ($2) are great accompanying any meal. Seared ahi steak ($8.50), chicken teriyaki ($15.50) or chilean seabass ($20.50) are among the grilled selections for those non-sushi-lovers. The menu here contains every combination you could think of, and if it is missing something you crave, they can prepare just about anything – well, within reason, of course…

The bar should get you going for any Saturday night as well. There are cocktail specialties to die for – especially the chocolate cake saketini ($8), which features frangelico liquor, absolut citron, and their premium house sake served in a sugar-rimmed glass. Japanese beer – Kirin, Tsing Tao, Sapporo and Asahi (from $4.50 to $6.50) – go well with any sushi order and red, white, blush or plum wine are commended as well as their array of champagne, which can be ordered by the glass ($6 to $12) or by the bottle ($23 to $225). Their “Water from Heaven” (sake, that it) is delivered to you in a tray of individual cups – so that you may choose your chalice – and its taste ranges from winsome and delicate to mellow, green-apple tartness.

Check the influx of talented poets and ethnocentric rap every Wednesday night and chow down on some quality sushi. The best part is that this place is open late for all the real night owls and fashionable late-eaters. For you freshman out there, forget Chartwells for a night and get some delicacies into your chomps or bring a date and impress him/her with your genteel sensibility to the recondite world of the SoBe gastronome. You just might get addicted.

Doraku is located at 1104 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach. Call 305-695-8383 for more info.

Rachael Henrichsen can be reached at rachluv@aol.com

SO YOU DON’T WANT TO BE A SOAP STAR?

The Damien B. Contemporary Art Center’s new solo exhibit, Something Ephemeral in our Streets, by Miami artist Meg Pukel, combines the transient quality of an urban nightlife with the mystery and beauty of a nude woman’s body. Sounds clich

Broadcast Journalists are BOBBLE HEADS

Hurricane Productions proved not to be a total waste, my words, last Monday when they brought Mo Rocca of “The Daily Show” fame to campus to speak before a packed crowd at the Storer Auditorium. (Note: some girlies drove as far as Sarasota to catch Mr. Rocca.) Walking on stage donning his signature emo glasses, but surprisingly sans bowtie, he’s wearing a religious hippie look. In an interview after the event with L&A he explained that it’s “a little bit Floridian; a little bit uptown Ashram. If I were going to be in an upper-eastside cult, this would be what I wear.”

Before arriving at UM for his speech on campus, Mr. Rocca made quality time of his stay in the city by filming a strange (is there any other kind?) cameo appearance on a Telemundo sitcom. Noticing a few differences from his backyard in the Big Apple, he confides, “I’m a huge Don Johnson fan. But I’m a lesser fan of Philip Michael Thomas. Miami is Fort Lauderdale but with a Gloria Estefan soundtrack. ‘Come on, shake your body baby, do the conga/I know you can’t control yourself any longa/Feel the rhythm of the music getting stronga,’ I love perfect rhyme schemes. Three words that rhyme, two of which are made up.”

Despite the terrible sound (HP needs a new sound man/woman) the crowd warms up to Mo Rocca’s sophisticated sense of humor (he has a BA in English Lit and History from Harvard). Unfortunately, the laughter in the auditorium seems overly self-conscious of muffling his un-miked jokes. Rocca starts out rather temperate, but soon transitions into a variety of sure-shot clips, a humorous summary of boggling summer news, and a brief chat about his very full platter of television projects.

A young but experienced writer in the entertainment world, he’s scribed for numerous, diverse outlets including the porn magazine Perfect 10 and PBS’ historical dog adventure show “Wishbone.” Of the latter experience he says, “I have people that come up to me and say, ‘I only let my kids watch ‘Wishbone.’ Which I think is a crock of shit, but the sentiments nice.”

Currently hosting “The Smoking Gun” on Court TV, a high-rated program based on the award-winning muckraker Web site, Mr. Rocca plays a well-received clip from the show where, quite gradually, he’s transformed into Nick Nolte’s infamous mug shot – complete with wild hair, Hawaiian shirt and “broken capillaries.” In never-aired footage from “The Daily Show,” which easily wins some of the biggest laughs of the night, he sticks a microphone in and on a man’s face during an ongoing interview in an ode to “Jackass.” Such an act of prolonged ballsiness delivers a message about the zany tolerance that many of this country’s citizens practice to sustain political correctness. The clip is one of the few experiences where Mo Rocca almost loses his composure, later admitting that he was shaking in restraint.

Yet, neither of those clips matched a segment where Mo Rocca appeared as “himself” on Fox News’ staple “The O’Reilly Factor” to debate Wendy Wright, president of Concerned Women of America, over the demographic appropriateness of Lingerie Barbie and Pregnant Midge. A watershed intellectual highlight of the night, its absurdity said more about mainstream broadcast media and the ongoing decline of journalistic integrity than even the best “Daily Show” episodes.

Putting aside the humor, the situation exemplifies just how dangerously oblivious the mainstream media is to the ever wishy-washy mix of celebrity and ratings with legitimate news substance. Playing up irony to the nth, the host, a sub for Bill O’Reilly, and Wright are so predetermined to argue and stand firmly in their molded ground that neither realize what’s going on in front of millions of Americans. They’re merely absent-minded bobble heads babbling for a meaningless polar political stance. When it’s over, Mr. Rocca goes on to claim that sixty percent of such broadcast journalists do not agree with the opinions presented by their on air personalities, grinning with a certain flare of detest and desperate measure.

This isn’t to say, however, that he’s not involved in the network muck he so candidly runs loops around. At one point during the night a student asks if “The Daily Show” would ever work on NBC or FOX. His response is that it would become “watered down,” comparing such a change to Michael Moore’s long-axed “TV Nation,” during its snuffed run on Fox. But this past week CNN.com announced that Mo Rocca is starting a reality show focusing on the American prison system for FOX. When an audience member asks about the project, he confirms the affiliation without directly admitting to the contradiction.

And of course, this wouldn’t be Life & Art without a question about a college institution’s right to censor student publications. When specifically asked if he thinks a university should be able to censor articles pertaining to and containing photographs of art on exhibit in the surrounding area, he replies, “Honestly, the more art the better. I would find it hard to believe that the coverage, even if done by public funds, [Ed. note: UM allocates private funds for the Hurricane, but nevertheless] should be censored. It’s worth exploring.”

Oh, and for guys and gals left wondering where to purchase some of Mr. Rocca’s bowties, you’ll have to go to NYC to Paul Stuart at 45th and Madison.

Kira Wisniewski can be reached at kiraw@comcast.net.

REPORT CARD

0

Offense:
If not for the Parrish punt return and Taylor interception return, the ‘Canes offense would have had their backs against the wall. The unit failed to have a consistent scoring drive in the first half, and finished the game with only one scoring drive of over 50 yards.

Quarterback:
Berlin missed open targets early in the game. Miami could have put the game far out of reach when the teams entered the locker room for the half. The junior signal caller finished 18-of-30 passing for 151 yards and no touchdowns and threw one interception.

Running Back: B
Gore finished with 74 yards on 16 carries and a touchdown. Gore didn’t seem to have too many holes to find.

Wide Receivers: B-
Winslow’s leaping catch in the 1st quarter that set up a Gore TD seemed to be the only bright spot for the Miami receiving unit. Winslow led the team with four receptions for 41 yards.

Offensive Line: B-
Unit gave Berlin more time to throw than in the three previous games. However, the line did seem to struggle a bit in their run blocking.

Defense: A-
Unit held BC to only 213 total yards for the contest. BC’s positive yards mostly came from UM penalties. The unit must cut down on personal fouls.

Defensive Line: A-
Unit pressured Porter all night and held the dangerous Derrick Knight to only 83 yards on the ground. Baraka Atkins recorded the only Hurricane sack.

Linebackers: A-
Jonathan Vilma made some big plays, including three tackles for a loss. However, the only positive moments for the BC offense were scrambles up the middle by BC quarterback Quinton Porter.

Secondary: A
Unit shut down the Eagle passing game, surrendering only 94 yards through the air. Taylor’s interception return for a TD put the ‘Canes up by 21, essentially putting the game out of reach for BC.

Special Teams: A
The unit continues to make big plays. Parrish’s punt return for a TD set the tone for the game. Brian Monroe had two punts land inside the 20.