Practicing social distancing does not mean all sexual endeavors must come to a halt. Depending solely on another person to be physically with you in order to feel pleasure is unhealthy. It’s time to get creative. Here are three ways to keep busy during quarantine:
1. Create some drama
Nothing kills the sex drive quite like boredom, so it’s time to create some drama. Some ideas include, but are not limited to, flirting with an ex lover, confessing sexual attraction to a friend and entertaining that classmate with a thing for you. All of these ideas are beautifully toxic enough to keep quarantine interesting for the next couple of months, while also allowing enough time for things to cool down before our return in the fall. I have Gemini in my chart, so I know what I’m encouraging. Even if it goes horribly wrong, what are they going to do? Come over?
2. Rub one out
It is scientifically proven that masturbation improves the immune system. There is no excuse. For the sake of your grandparents, please jerk off. The better your immune system, the less likely you are to contract the virus and spread it to others. Personally, I have done my part in making my immune system so indestructible that I could make out with any girl with corona and cure her.
3. Initiate cybersex
Those of you in relationships now isolated from your partner may be frustrated now that sex has become inaccessible. In the spirit of Doja Cat, I want you to get freaky on camera. Cyber sex is a completely different experience that is just as enjoyable if you are open minded. While you can’t exactly scissor over Skype, you can show your partner exactly what they’re missing while capturing it at the perfect angles. Host a Zoom orgy with your hottest peers. Contribute to our struggling economy by starting an OnlyFans account. The opportunities are endless.
Taking care of yourself not only includes your physical and mental health, but also your sexual health. Don’t forget to cash in on some free dopamine every once in a while.