Since she appearing as your usual college bombshell, you would have no idea that a blonde, sorority sister in fact has a lot in common with that extra virgin olive oil in your cupboard. If virginity in college seems worse than harboring the coronavirus, imagine how people react when learning this perfectly normal sophomore has never even been kissed.
It seems reflective of our society that this student has asked to remain anonymous. Even after reassuring me that she was unbothered by her status, I could tell that there was underlying embarrassment.
“If I ever started seeing someone, I would never tell them,” she shared.
Curious as to what she’s looking for, she unfolded a wish list of qualities. Her standards included physical attributes, (6’4” tall and curly hair), personality traits, (sweet, caring and funny) and even dietary preferences (enjoys Dr. Pepper and eats Chick-fil-A). Even if this man was attainable, it seems that her dating pool would be more of a dating puddle.
Refusing to participate in dating apps or set ups, she wants her first kiss to happen naturally. Attempts from past suitors have left her unimpressed and uninterested.
“I’ve had guys approach me. However, I’ve never been attracted to them, so nothing ever happened,” she confessed. Entertaining the efforts of someone who might prefer Sprite doesn’t seem unreasonable, considering she has nothing to lose. Actually, she does have something to lose, but it will never be lost with such tunnel vision. Adjusting standards does not necessarily mean lowering them.
When someone opens up about their experience or lack thereof, it is not an invitation for judgement, ridicule or unsolicited advice. My interviewee said it best, “It’s not the end of the world. People make the mistake of validating their self love off of other people. I’m okay with not having my first kiss because I’m happy.”
Looking back at my own first kiss, I remember feeling an excruciating pressure to just get it over with. Maybe if I held out a little longer, I wouldn’t have experienced the trauma of a middle school boy’s tongue in my mouth. Just maybe, I’d still be straight.
Best,
V