How to be gay offline

Dear V,

l feel that I am at an incredible disadvantage as a gay man. Restricted to Tinder or Grindr, it feels as if it is impossible to meet someone like me during my everyday routine without feeling predatory in our assumed heteronormative reality. Do I just pray for love to find me amongst the unrequested dick pics online?



I am quite familiar with the app that uses GPS technology to help you f*ck strangers. It’s like the typical romance trope of boy meets girl, but bottom meets top and someone might get sh*t on their d*ck.

Logging onto Grindr is like perusing the sausage aisle in a local Italian meat market. Overwhelmed with the endless and headless torsos, it’s easy to forget that love exists when sex can be so instantly available, and no one wants to tell their family that they met their significant other on a hook-up app.

I’m more familiar with Tinder, which I open every five minutes like it’s a fridge, each time thinking something good will just magically appear. My favorite are the girls who put in their bio that they are simply looking for friends. Yeah, and I’m at the bus stop waiting for a plane.

Don’t feel threatened by the heteronormative boundaries society has created by automatically assuming every stranger you meet is straight. At the same time, don’t approach someone with a scary amount of confidence assuming any sort of sexuality or that they would even be into you. If you find yourself interested in a guy, strike up a friendly conversation. Picking up on social cues will indicate whether there is an opening for flirtation or more.

Put yourself out there in real life. It seems dangerous to get comfortable with the idea of superficial love interests that solely exist online. I wish that after running out of swipes on these desperate apps the camera would turn on and force us to look at what we’ve become. Deleting Grindr or Tinder is always so refreshing, until you redownload it again in two weeks.