V's Take

Don’t be caught dead in these Halloween costumes

Between getting Pinkberry after spin class and idolizing Lauren Conrad, basic b*tches simply don’t have the time to curate the best of Halloween costumes. On this hallows eve, I challenge my readers to stop being so predictable, or at least pretend that they aren’t until their friends find out that they’re the type to scream “WOO” while getting white girl wasted.

Risky Business Tom Cruise

Wow, you stole your frat boyfriend’s least favorite button down, grabbed some thigh highs, and smacked some sunglasses on your face. I hope sliding across hardwood floors doesn’t rub off that “Live, Laugh, Love” tattoo on your foot.

Angel/Devil

Did you fall from heaven? That beautiful place where you always Instagram your brunch with a #BLESSED. And no, your best friend with the plastic devil horns on her head isn’t the baddest bitch you know. She still thinks that Miley Cyrus invented twerking.

Sexy Cop

I will legally perform a citizen’s arrest on all the women who spent their money on an overpriced, poorly made police uniform. That type of cash could have went to more Tory Burch sandals and skinny jeans.

Black Cat

I’m no STEM major, but this is a straight up 14 on the pH scale. All stray cats found on campus on Halloween will not only receive rabies shots, but also get spayed. Overpopulation puts our ecosystem at risk.

Sexy School Girl

This costume is just as easy as the girls who wear it and will make boys as hard as final’s week. By the way, that Marilyn Monroe poster in your bedroom doesn’t make you classy. You are just boring.

Harley Quinn

By far the deadliest of costume sins, you might as well think that reading “Milk and Honey” makes you deep. That blonde wig tipped with red and blue won’t trick anyone into thinking your “Daddy’s Little Monster.” The only accuracy is that your boyfriend’s a joke and your father is disappointed in you. Stay home. Plus, I heard there is a new episode of “The Bachelor” that I know you wouldn’t want to miss.

Happy Halloween,

V

October 30, 2019

Reporters

V'S Take


Around the Web
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Thousands gathered at the University of Miami’s Coral Gables campus for a weekend of creativity and ...

Some of the last uninhabited islands on the planet are serving as a natural laboratory for a Univers ...

The Patti and Allan Herbert Wellness Center’s 18,000-square-foot fitness room named in honor of Norm ...

University of Miami theatre arts students and faculty members come together for a whirlwind day to c ...

The #SuperCoralPlay campaign combines education and outreach with research and restoration efforts t ...

The Miami men's basketball team will play its fourth top-15 opponent in a six-game, 18-day span ...

The Miami women's tennis team turned in a spectacular performance in singles play Monday to con ...

Miami women's basketball returns to the Watsco Center on Thursday. ...

The Canes will open the 2020 season with multiple top-5 preseason rankings for the first time since ...

Miami Athletics officially dedicated the Boich Family Scoreboard at the Neil Schiff Tennis Center Sa ...

TMH Twitter
About Us

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Florida. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published in print every Tuesday.