V's Take

He’s got the yum yum sauce

Dear V,

There is this really hot waiter that works at the Benihana in the Grove. The first time I laid eyes on the epitome of tall, dark and handsome, he was singing a Japanese birthday song to my friend with the rest of the staff. How do I get him to give me some of his yum yum sauce without spending all my college budget on fried rice and onion volcanoes, hoping he will notice me?

Dear Reader,

I’m committed to getting you an encore of his performance, except the Japanese birthday song will be sung in private and between your legs.

Let’s weigh the risks. If you succeed, you will be ingesting more yum yum sauce this fall than students at the hibachi stand on Market Wednesdays. If you fail, there are always other places to get your fix.

Your bank account will not allow you to be subtle, since you can’t leave Benihana without spending at least a third of your weekly budget. The next time you make a reservation, you have to make it count.

Ask to sit in his section. When he approaches your table, tell him you remember him from when you were at the birthday dinner. Make conversation and maintain good eye contact. Just seeming interested will go a long way, since most customers only communicate with staff when they need to bark their orders.

At the end of your dinner, it’s time to shoot your shot. After you fill out the receipt, leave him your number and a flirty message. Let him know that you also accept tips. Big tips.

If he asks if you want a box for your leftovers, throw him a wink and tell him you would rather wrestle for it.



August 27, 2019


V'S Take

Around the Web
  • Error
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: fsocket timed out

Talula Thibault, a senior at the University of Miami and chair of the ECO Agency, will participate i ...

Overturning a widely accepted fact, University of Miami researchers discover that fruit flies hate b ...

The Miami Business School this fall launched a unique and forward-thinking Master of Science in Sust ...

The United States can handle its growing debt a lot better than other countries, such as Argentina, ...

A University of Miami materials engineer is developing a method that will help the aviation industry ...

Miami evened its record with a win over Central Michigan. Now, a quarter of the way through the seas ...

The Hurricanes forced three turnovers and held off a hard-fought effort from Central Michigan, defea ...

Daevenia Achong of the Miami women's tennis team won a pair of matches Sunday to reach the Milw ...

The Hurricanes hung on for a 17-12 win over Central Michigan, but acknowledged there are things they ...

The Miami women's tennis team wrapped up action Sunday at the Miami Fall Invite, posting a 3-1 ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.