V's Take

How to deal with the boyfriend question

Dear V,

My grandparents came to visit last week, and although it was nice to see them, things got a little awkward when my grandma asked my least favorite question in the entire world: “So, why don’t you have a boyfriend?” I’m a junior in college and I’ve never had a serious boyfriend, so my family members ask this ALL the time. I know they aren’t trying to be mean or anything, but it’s something I’m insecure about and I never know how to react. Every time someone asks me about my love life (or lack thereof), I feel like there’s something wrong with me because I don’t have anything to say. What should I do?

Dear Reader,

There’s two parts to my answer. First, I want you to know that you never have to answer a question that makes you uncomfortable. Your family members are being nosy when they ask personal questions like this out of the blue. I’m giving you permission to tell your grandma to f**k off. Well, not in those words of course, but there’s nothing wrong with politely declining to answer and then quickly changing the subject. Make like Neo from “The Matrix” and dodge some conversational bullets.

Second, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single. It doesn’t make you defective or weird. I speak from experience when I say that it’s much better to be alone than to be dating someone who doesn’t value you. Think about this: you could be dating a frat boy who exclusively listens to 6ix9ine and has never even heard the word “clitoritis,” but you’re a smart, independent woman, so you’re not doing that. Instead, you’re waiting it out, enjoying life as you remember that love doesn’t have a due date. There’s no “correct” age to start dating. It will happen when it happens, and until then, all you should do is remain open to the possibility of new relationships. And of course, love yourself– that’s way more important than any boyfriend.

Best,

V

March 26, 2019

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