Midterm season is upon us and I have literally never been hornier. My stress levels are bouncing off the walls with two tests and a paper due this week. As you may have guessed, I have never wanted to release these hormones from my body more than I want to right now. Admit it–– you all know the feeling.
To make things worse, my back-to-back Valentine’s Day dates with two different Hecht residents did not go as planned. They left me hungry for more. A lot more.
Guy number one—let’s call him *insert eggplant emoji*— had a very large…heart. His passion wasn’t the only thing that grew that night in the back of his late model T-ford in a Publix parking lot. It was fascinating, sitting back and just watching all of that… grocery shopping.
Now guy number two––he’ll just go by Brian––went down another path. He took me out on a date, bought me chocolates and even wrote me a love poem. For once, I felt like this man had the potential to become someone meaningful in my life. Then everything went downhill when he said he was actually in love with me. But lucky for me, I have attachment problems and will never catch feelings for a guy who is actually nice to me!
I want more than anything to call *eggplant emoji* and ask him if he wants to Ram––as in the Ford––me into the sunset. I also want to ask Brian if he actually meant what he said. But these were just one-day flings. Maybe I can hit them up for tutoring at least? I do need help with my anatomy exam…