Uncategorized

Happy ho ho holidays

Hey Horndogs,

It’s me again.

It’s the end of the fall semester at the U, which can only mean one thing. Finals.

F*ck finals. But instead of saying, “f*ck finals,” find yourself a finals f*ck, or multiple (if you’re feeling extra generous around the holiday season). While there are a Latke things to do with exams and projects, I know one way to blow off steam. Blow it off. Blow it harder than you blow the candles on the Menorah on the eighth night of Hannukah.

Need a private location? Why not take some sack in the stacks? But make sure you’re courteous and clean up the white snow after you jingle the bells. For those interested in more of a sleigh ride, try the gliders near Lake Osceola. I hear they’ll squeak less than I do.

That being said, don’t hold back. Put out the goods and don’t be Santa Clause who only cums once a year. He’s carrying a large package just for you. All he wants for Christmas is (to f*ck) you. It’d be a miracle if he lasted for more like eight nights rather than five minutes.

So, before you cum home for the holidays, make sure you ho ho ho around because you can’t expect your ex from high school to have a big gift waiting for you. But if he does, make sure he wraps his package before he stuffs it in your stocking, otherwise your clothes might be a little too crusty for when mom does the laundry.

December 3, 2018

Reporters

V'S Take


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

A six-pack of Hurricanes notes on a Tuesday: ▪ UM has only two Rivals.com five-star recruits on the ...

Even five months ago, it would’ve been hard to picture Jaylan Knighton winding up with the Miami Hur ...

UM offensive coordinator Dan Enos on Monday addressed the quarterback situation in this piece, culle ...

University of Florida big man Keith Stone, a 6-8 and 254-pound Deerfield Beach native, is heading cl ...

The Miami Hurricanes are primed to have another nice weekend in the NFL Draft, at least according to ...

At the annual Hug the Lake, sustainability manager Teddy Lhoutellier was honored for improving the e ...

Yvette Soler, B.M. ’96, better known as Tigrilla Gardenia, connects her music engineering background ...

Preservation Week, from April 21 to April 27, is focused on highlighting the importance of learning ...

There are numerous ways to connect with the University of Miami during the two-day tech conference o ...

A symbol of both French heritage and Catholicism, Paris’ 850-year-old gothic cathedral was gutted by ...

The Hurricanes will open an eight-game homestand with a midweek matchup against crosstown FIU on Wed ...

The Canes are ranked for the second consecutive week, cracking the top 25 in two different polls rel ...

Stone played in 85 career games at University of Florida. ...

Come join head coach Manny Diaz and the Miami Hurricanes football program in the brand new Carol Sof ...

The Miami women's tennis team continued its ascent up the national rankings Tuesday, moving up ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.