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Happy ho ho holidays

Hey Horndogs,

It’s me again.

It’s the end of the fall semester at the U, which can only mean one thing. Finals.

F*ck finals. But instead of saying, “f*ck finals,” find yourself a finals f*ck, or multiple (if you’re feeling extra generous around the holiday season). While there are a Latke things to do with exams and projects, I know one way to blow off steam. Blow it off. Blow it harder than you blow the candles on the Menorah on the eighth night of Hannukah.

Need a private location? Why not take some sack in the stacks? But make sure you’re courteous and clean up the white snow after you jingle the bells. For those interested in more of a sleigh ride, try the gliders near Lake Osceola. I hear they’ll squeak less than I do.

That being said, don’t hold back. Put out the goods and don’t be Santa Clause who only cums once a year. He’s carrying a large package just for you. All he wants for Christmas is (to f*ck) you. It’d be a miracle if he lasted for more like eight nights rather than five minutes.

So, before you cum home for the holidays, make sure you ho ho ho around because you can’t expect your ex from high school to have a big gift waiting for you. But if he does, make sure he wraps his package before he stuffs it in your stocking, otherwise your clothes might be a little too crusty for when mom does the laundry.

December 3, 2018

Reporters

V'S Take


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