V's Take

How to be a side hoe


As you know, V is a single lady. And I’m ready to mingle; I’m talking to and swiping right on some guys, hoping to find the man to fill the gaping hole in my body. (I mean my heart. Get your head out of the gutter.)

There’s one guy who seems really into me, but there’s a catch. He’s ‘talking’ to another girl I know.

And that makes me a side hoe. It’s something I promised myself I would never become, but at this point, I’ll just take whatever attention I can get.

My momma always told me that no matter what I do, I should do it to the best of my ability. So here’s my take on how to be the best possible side hoe.

1. Don’t

Save yourself the heartache and emotional baggage. No matter how desperate you are, don’t willingly become someone’s second choice. This is a big @ myself, but seriously avoid putting yourself in this situation if you can.

2. Aim To Get More Attention Than The Main Hoe

As Britney Spears once said, there are only two types of people in the world: the ones that entertain and the ones that observe. And I’m a put-on-a-show kind of girl.

The best way to no longer be a side hoe is to become the main hoe. The alpha female, shall we say. (You know I like to be on top.)

How does one achieve this? Just be super needy, text him a lot and slide into his glider at the Rat in hopes he’ll slide it inside you.

3. Force Them To Break Up

This continues my above point. If the main hoe is out of the picture, you won’t be a side hoe anymore!

Even if they’re not officially together, a little scandal goes a long way in helping to end their fling so you can assume your rightful position in your man’s arms.

4. Make Him Love You

Whoever sang that song that my mom listens to on Sirius-XM’s 90s on 9 channel that goes “I can’t make you love me,” is factually incorrect.

You can make him love you. Be yourself and spend more time with him than the main hoe. Replace her. Dress up like her. Become the main hoe, even if it means becoming another girl.

5. Don’t

This isn’t a typo. I really shouldn’t be doing numbers two through five but I’m needy. Don’t do this to yourself.

Do you have good tips on being an exceptional side hoe? Email dearv@themiamihurricane.com.

September 27, 2018


V'S Take

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