Columnists, Glass Half Full, Opinion

To: me…Love, me

Oh, Valentine’s Day, the quintessence of irony: a holiday about love that has an unparalleled ability to tap into our innermost feelings of self-hate.

There are five stages of Valentine’s Day grief. Let me break them down.

First is self-loathing: you realize your singleness can be traced back to the fact that you are utterly unlovable.

Second is jealousy: why aren’t you able to post a shameless, self-indulgent anniversary photo compilation on Instagram like everyone else? Oh right, because you’re a hopeless, unsightly, aspiring spinster.

Third is guilt: why did you drown your loneliness in that family-sized box of Godiva? Now you don’t have a prayer of finding a soulmate who will see your pure heart through your impending cellulite.

Fourth is anger: oh Jesus, it’s Valentine’s Day again, and you’re going to have to grin and bear the endless Hallmark movies and elusive restaurant availability. Why couldn’t it be one of those things that only happens every four years like a leap year?

Finally, fifth is defeat: maybe you should just hide under your covers for the day. At least you won’t have to face the unbearable sight of everyone’s love but yours.

Like the five stages of grief that psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross so famously defined, the stages of Valentine’s Day disappointment only worsen as you progress through them. Let’s rectify this.

The holiday is supposed to be centered around love, remember? Whether single, dating, in a relationship or married, there is only one person in our lives who will provide us with unconditional love, and it tends to be the person we deprive of love the most: ourselves.

In our hyper-superficial world, it can feel like there are so many pressures we simply cannot satisfy on our own. We need someone to take our photos for us, so we can look like we have friends, not to mention people to populate our feeds. We need people to admire our aesthetic. We need people to watch our vlogs.

And our vision of our capacity is even further clouded by those we profoundly depend on: our parents to show us love and, if we’re lucky, subsidize our expenses, our siblings to survive our parents, our friends to provide us with guidance and our romantic relationships for validation. There’s an insurmountable quantity of need, and it’s easy to credit everyone else with their contributions while you just try to pull yourself through and beat yourself up for every misstep.

This Valentine’s Day, try treating yourself as if you were your own significant other. Celebrate all your favorite qualities and pour affection into those things about yourself that you would typically find annoying. Take yourself out to a nice meal. Allow yourself some treats. Pamper yourself. Write yourself a love letter.

Think about all your best features. You were bright enough to get yourself into a top university. You are doing well enough in your studies not to have failed yet. Simply being in college means you are working toward making a meaningful impact and improving the world, in whatever way resonates with you. You’re doing your best.

So challenge yourself to be your own Valentine this holiday. And if nothing else, remember this: even Saint Valentine himself wasn’t exactly a heartthrob (and he was martyred).

Dana Munro is a sophomore majoring in musical theater. Glass Half Full runs every Tuesday.

February 14, 2018

Reporters

Dana Munro


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

A six-pack of Hurricanes notes on a Wednesday: ▪ The Miami Hurricanes are honoring their 1983 nation ...

With Jaquan Johnson still sidelined with a hamstring strain he suffered on Saturday against Toledo, ...

The Miami Hurricanes are running low on tight ends. But their receivers — notably sophomore speedste ...

A six-pack of Hurricanes notes on a Tuesday: ▪ The pretty even split of carries between Travis Homer ...

The University of Miami has lost another player to surgery, and the depth was already lacking at thi ...

New technology could help schools identify shooters and other intruders before they enter the door. ...

A University of Miami professor has created software to detect fraud in standardized tests. ...

UM President Julio Frenk outlined the strategies of the Roadmap to Our New Century, part of his Stat ...

Students attending Monday night's State of the U address by UM President Julio Frenk offer thei ...

At UM’s inaugural State of the U address, President Julio Frenk detailed the strategies of the Roadm ...

Through three games, Miami is No. 1 in the country in tackles for loss and the entire Hurricanes def ...

Jeff Thomas may be quiet off the field, but the sophomore has been consistently making lots of noise ...

The University of Miami soccer team is set to return to Cobb Stadium, where it will host No. 12 Duke ...

The Atlantic Coast Conference announced Tuesday the league slate for the upcoming 2018-19 season. ...

Miami remained ranked in both major polls Sunday, checking in at No. 21 in the Associated Press Top ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.