End Valentine’s Day with a bang

In case you didn’t know, V stands for Valentine. Or Vodka. Or Viagra. Or a potent combination of the three – whatever it takes to make it through the sexiest day of the year.

We’re expected to turn a random Wednesday into a romantic combination of horny and corny, complete with chocolates hastily bought from a CVS, premature, forced murmurs of “I love you” and an overpriced dinner at a crowded restaurant.

But it all comes down to the happy ending because sex after eating Cheesecake Factory shrimp scampi and heart-shaped congealed cocoa and dairy on a Wednesday is supposed to be extra special.

For some of us, the ending will be anything but happy. It will be bad.

Most people have had really sh**ty sex, and some of us keep going for random hookups to fulfill the need for attention and heavy petting. But why are we settling for these awful experiences on Valentine’s Day or any other day of the year?

It’s important to realize that people have sex for many different reasons – for fun, for pleasure, for passion or even for money (no shame, hustle). You don’t need to be dripping wet or rock hard to have sex, you might even just be doing it to make your partner happy when he or she is excruciatingly horny.

In fact, that kind of sex can be some of the most satisfying because you’re doing it out of love, intimacy and care for the other person. Even if it wasn’t ultimately super pleasurable for you, it’s still meaningful and rewarding. No, the warm fuzzy feeling inside is not from the semen you just swallowed.

That’s not the kind of sex we’re talking about when we talk about bad experiences. The sex we’re talking about is the kind that, although consensual, might bring tears to your eyes from embarrassment instead of a bone-rattling orgasm.

What makes this sex unsatisfying is not just the lack of physical pleasure, it’s the reason behind you wanting to have sex. You probably weren’t horrifically horny, since that can be satisfied by busting a nut or the lady version of busting a nut. You weren’t doing it for intimacy or out of love for your partner, and you weren’t doing it to get your day’s paycheck.

Bad sex comes from a place of insecurity and the resulting need for attention.

Maybe you had sex because your dry spell was drier than Betty White’s vag, so you settled for one of the first takers. Or maybe you had sex because you were feeling bad about your otherwise beautiful #DadBod and just wanted someone to use you for your body. There is something to be said about the feeling of being wanted.

When you have that kind of needy sex, it just ends up feeling like you masturbated with someone else’s body.

So this V-Day, remember it’s about quality, not quantity. Before you get yourself into some sad sex, make sure you’re doing it for a reason that will leave you satisfied at the end. Otherwise, you’re just wasting everyone’s time, including your own.

Ideally, we here at TMH wish you the hottest and horniest V-Day possible with a person you love. And that might just mean some quality ~alone~ time. Do you (maybe literally), and don’t lower your standards.

Editorials usually represent the majority view of The Miami Hurricane editorial staff. This week’s editorial was written by V, The Miami Hurricane’s sex columnist, but the staff endorses its message.