Welcome back, y’all. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: a new semester means plenty of new bodies – and hearts, for our sentimental readers – on campus.
I’m looking at you, spring admits. Hey, transfers. ‘Sup, girl who left halfway through last semester because of a botched plastic surgery.
Usually, I would look at these people as an opportunity for plenty of action, but I’ve changed. New year, new V. The end of 2017 made me realize I’m tired of the games that come with being single and seeing tons of hotties at once. Sleeping around can get a bit lonely after a while.
So I’ve made it my New Year’s resolution to settle down and get wifed up. You heard me – your favorite former floozy wants you to know that you can do it, too.
We’re nearing the end of cuffing season (which lasts through Valentine’s Day, as I’ve written about before), so take advantage of the opportunity. Find yourself a bae instead of swiping on Tinder all day.
Sure, you’re probably super horny after spending all break sitting on your parents’ couch watching “Grey’s Anatomy.” I know season five Mark Sloan is the peak of male perfection and sexiness and makes you want to do unholy things (if interested in women, substitute Addison or Izzy).
Being back in Miami with copious amounts of freedom, hard liquor and free residential college front desk condoms means you are surrounded by temptation, but resisting the urges could and probably will lead to a lot of future happiness.
A little sacrifice now could lead to a lot of good things in the future – good things like relationships, cuddling, commitment, cute dates and maybe (emphasis on maybe) even love.
So if you have a bae you left over break, pick things up where you left off. Show him or her you are just as committed in 2018 by planning a fun date, cooking a meal together or sending naughty texts detailing what you were thinking about doing to them over the break.
In 2018, we’re being happy, committed and, most of all, we’re communicating. And also drinking lots of water – hydration is key. See? You barely recognize me, right? But we all know resolutions are easy to forget, so let’s see how long V can keep an open heart (and closed legs).
Have a question for V? Email firstname.lastname@example.org.