Thanksgiving has passed, and that means it’s now the most wonderful time of the year, the peak of cuffing season.
For all the parents judgmentally reading this column in their child’s college newspaper and wondering what cuffing season is – it’s when people who are usually into casual hookups get into relationships.
The point is to be less “Promiscuous” by Nelly Furtado and more “Crazy in Love” by Beyoncé, if you know what I mean.
Usually cuffing season only affects our friends in colder places (you know, because consistent cuddling, fireplaces), but I have confirmed cuffing season is in full effect in Miami and I want to participate.
Gone are the days of V letting anyone and everyone touch her v. You’re gonna have to wife me up to get the goods now.
It is common knowledge among friends that V has had an exceptionally high body count, a record I am very proud of.
If there was a gold medal for hitting it then quitting it, I would be like Michael Phelps but with way more than 28 medals. Except I don’t look like a horse man.
But if I’m being honest, the reason for my previous participation in “hoe activities” was that I was trying to find the right guy to catch feels for. Random hookups temporarily filled the hole in my heart, and filled some other holes, too.
That gets boring and tiring though, and V is burnt out. I want to settle down, do wifey things and get in on that consistent cuddling that comes with cuffing season. I want to take the time to get to know someone special on a deeper level.
So, cuff me up, but not in a kinky way. V is moving on from her old ways (for now, at least).
Do you want to wife V up, or do you have questions about cuffing season? Let me know by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org.