V's Take

Dear V: I found my boyfriend’s secret Tinder profile

Dear V,

The other day, I was helping my best friend set up a Tinder account. She went through a rough breakup a few months ago and asked me for advice on how to get back out there after not dating for so long.

Naturally, I suggested that she give online dating a shot, just as a way to get her feet wet while moving on from her ex. After setting up her profile, putting something witty in her bio and posting a few of her best selfies, I started to show her how to swipe left and right.

Well, what do you know – we came across my boyfriend’s profile.

I hoped maybe it was just an old account he had before we started dating or something, but his pictures are recent and his bio even includes a joke about his dog, which he adopted just a few weeks ago.

Seeing that made my heart sink. I’m not sure if my boyfriend has actually cheated or not, but I know he’s at least still shopping around. Some people might see that as fine – I suppose flirty text messages are a lot different than crawling into bed with someone – but I just have a sinking feeling about it.

After all, I confided in him that I’ve been cheated on in the past and have trust issues because of it, so for him to do this just feels like a slap in the face.

What should I do? Break up with my boyfriend immediately, or hear him out?

Sincerely,

Suspicious Sally

 

Dear Sally,

Your intuition is right – that’s not okay. In the day and age of social media, it’s very easy to slide down the slippery slope from likes, to swipes … to sex.

Whether your boyfriend has actually cheated yet or not, he’s still not being 100 percent faithful to you. Some might say things like online dating sites are just fun ways to pass the time, but how much respect does your boyfriend have for you if he’s still seeking out attention elsewhere? Not much.

If you’re feeling particularly altruistic, tell him what you found and hear his side of the story. Odds are, you’ll hear things like “It didn’t mean anything,” “I’m not actually meeting up with anyone in person” or “I was just bored and messing around.”

Sure, those excuses might all be true – but that’s what they are, excuses. No one who’s voluntarily exposing themselves to temptation should be in a committed relationship.

My advice? Screen-cap the profile, send it to your boyfriend and move on. If he’s still looking around to “upgrade” while dating you, there’s no reason you shouldn’t upgrade, too.

-V

March 1, 2017

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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