V's Take

Dear V: I’m pregnant … how do I tell my boyfriend?

Dear V,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. I’m a senior in college, and he’s a junior. A few months ago, we got tested together, so we’ve been having sex without condoms for a while. I trust him not to cheat, and I’m on the pill. I’ve never missed a dose.

But last week, I threw up a couple days in a row in the morning. I don’t have a light stomach, so I’ve never experienced this before. Before bringing it up to anyone, I went to the pharmacy and bought a couple at-home tests, and … I think I’m pregnant.

They both came back positive. I know sometimes these cheap at-home kits can give false results, but with the puking and all, I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do – should I tell my boyfriend?

I don’t think I’m ready to have a baby, but I don’t want to hide this from him either. Please help me come up with a way of breaking the news and figuring out what to do after that. Neither of us are prepared for this.

Sincerely,

Worried Wendy

 

Dear Wendy,

First, see a doctor and confirm you’re pregnant. Whether you bring your boyfriend, a trusted friend or a family member, it’s up to you – you can even go alone if that’s what feels right. Make sure you’re certain you’re pregnant before letting your anxiety get the best of you.

If you are pregnant, take the news as calmly as you can. No matter what happens, time keeps moving forward and the world will keep spinning. A pregnancy is just what it is: a new life being brought into the world, not the end of yours.

I agree that you should tell your boyfriend. While it’s your body and your right to do what you want with it, it’s his child too, and you won’t want to spend the rest of your life hiding a secret like this. Besides, imagine the hurt it would cause him to know you didn’t tell him.

If you two have a strong relationship, deciding what to do together will help you both. It can be overwhelming to make these kinds of decisions on your own, and knowing somebody is by your side can be a great comfort.

Remember there are options: keeping the baby, adoption and abortion. Within these choices, there are other options, too: asking a relative for help with raising the baby while you finish school, an open adoption where you can have contact with your child later on, or a closed adoption where you can’t.

Tell your boyfriend, weigh the options together and do what’s best for you.

To talk with a professional about options, call the American Pregnancy Helpline at 1-866-942-6466.

-V

February 22, 2017

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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