Izia Lindsay // Contributing Cartoonist
For some reason, 2016 just keeps dragging on, as our morals fall apart and our favorite people keep dying. Essentially, 2016 is “Grey’s Anatomy.”
However, one of the best reflections of an eventful year, Halloween, is approaching. Each October, Americans dress up as their favorite, topical icons from the previous 10 months – except in college, where it always seems to be a slutty kitten.
Therefore, this terrible, destructive year, we have a whole slew of people for us to replicate and parody, and I’m here to offer some senior, sage advice for your costume.
First off, I’m telling you right now that presidential debate M.V.P. Ken Bone is still a funny costume. He is not old news. He is still pudgy and adorable, but only in costume form and not in Reddit-A.M.A. form (if people get upset that you are impersonating a man with questionable morals, just say you are Milton from “Office Space” if he finally mated with a big, red stapler).
I guess it’s ironic that I’m discussing Mr. Bone before I give any thought on dressing up as the actual political candidates, but that’s because, like you, I’m tired of talking about the election. At this point, it would be more entertaining if you were somebody who lost in the primaries, though be aware that if you’re dressed as Bernie Sanders, you have to go to bed probably right after “Jeopardy.”
Moving on, this is an opportune year to offer some tributes to some of our fallen heroes. You could easily don all purple and pull off Prince or throw on anything with silvery glitter to be David Bowie. Besides them, the best figure to honor is Muhammad Ali, which some girls dressed as “kittens” will be honoring when they show up shirtless anyway.
Okay, so we’ve covered the election and deaths, so let’s quickly touch on pop culture. I’ve noticed that a lot of websites have been selling costumes to be “kidnapped Kim Kardashian,” following her being robbed in Paris.
However, this is not funny. In fact, this is what we call terrible. Why do we have to make fun of a woman who got tied up? If you’re really jonesing to be someone who was held at gunpoint, just be Ryan Lochte. That way, you don’t have to get held at gunpoint at all, and you get Ellen DeGeneres’ hairdo in thirty years.
Furthermore, I guess what I’m trying to say is: don’t offend anybody with your costume just because they’re not there to defend themselves. That makes you just like the politicians – which is the whole point of dressing as Ken Bone instead of them in the first place.
Danny New is a senior majoring in broadcast journalism. This column is for the Halloween special edition, but The Maturity Column will return to its regular schedule next week.