Dear V,
The other day, my boyfriend asked me what my ultimate fantasy is in bed. He said he wanted to know so he could plan it as a gift for me someday. I made up a lie about something simple, like using handcuffs, so I didn’t have to tell him what my fantasy actually is. He believed my fib and hasn’t brought it up since.
Truth is, my biggest fantasy is a bit more experimental than toy handcuffs.
I’ve always wanted to have an MMF three-way. That is, I want to have sex with two guys at once.
However, I know my boyfriend well enough to know he’s the jealous type. He’d probably take that idea to heart and wonder why he wasn’t good enough on his own to satisfy me. But that’s not what’s behind it at all – he’s plenty satisfying as a one-man show.
I feel guilty for lying to him. He’s always been honest to me about what he wants in the bedroom, and I’ve always put in effort to cater to what he likes.
Now, he’s probably out shopping at the local sex shop, picking out fancy, golden handcuffs for me when that doesn’t even appeal to me at all.
Should I tell him the truth? I’m afraid I’ll hurt his self-confidence if I tell him I want to introduce another guy to our bedroom.
Sincerely,
Double Trouble
Dear Double Trouble,
Next time you and your boyfriend discuss what goes on between the sheets, admit to him that you told a little white lie.
So what if you bruise your guy’s ego slightly? Men beg their girlfriends for three-ways all the time. There’s nothing wrong with turning the tables every once in a while.
If your boyfriend genuinely wants to know what you’re into, he shouldn’t judge it when you work up the courage to tell him. Besides, you’re not even the one who asked the question in the first place.
Don’t ask questions you don’t really want the answer to, right?
However, once you do confess, make sure you don’t peer-pressure him into doing something he’s not cool with, and don’t continually bring it up if you can tell he’s not feeling it.
Sure, he’ll probably be jealous at first, but once you explain to him that it has nothing to do with his personal performance, he should calm down and get where you’re coming from.
Hopefully, being honest with him will help both of you to talk more comfortably about your desires in the future.
Even if you don’t end up having a personal “Sausage Party” of your own, at least you won’t have to hide behind a lie … and you won’t end up accidentally handcuffed to your bedpost, either.
-V