V's Take

Dear V: Ditched by boyfriend for his flock

Dear V,

I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months. We’re not serious yet –  both of us didn’t want to label things – but we’re exclusive. I invited him to come with me and visit my family in town for Thanksgiving break since flying home to visit his parents across the country was too expensive. He was really weird about it, saying he had “plans” already but didn’t tell me what they were. I took the hint and dropped the question, but later heard him in class asking one of his friends to hang out with him for the holiday since they both couldn’t go home.

I was just trying to be nice, but feel shot down because of it. Should I say something?

Sincerely,

Lonely Turkey

Dear Lonely Turkey,

It’s nice that you thought to invite your guy along since he’d be spending the holiday alone. However, since you two aren’t even committed to each other yet, it was too soon to offer something like that. Your suggestion simply caught him off guard.

Holidays are something you spend with someone you see yourself being involved with for a long time, whether that means your family, a close friend or a significant other.

So your guy was probably chill with hanging with his bros over Thanksgiving – odds are, they won’t cheat on each other or have a rough break up like you two could. There’s a cornucopia of possibilities of things that can go wrong in a relationship, so he’d like to be serious before meeting the ‘rents.

Still, he could’ve been more kind about the way he handled your offer.

He could’ve just been honest with you that he didn’t want to move things to the next level yet, or he could have been careful enough not to make plans with friends in a class that you two share and let you overhear.

Don’t take it personally that he wasn’t ready to chow down on a turkey leg with your mom and dad yet. That’s a big step for any relationship, let alone one that isn’t already chugging along on the gravy train toward the altar.

However, mention that you’d like it if he would be honest in the future. You would have rather known he wasn’t comfortable with it than overhear him gobbling with the guys about their plans.

Just assure him you were only trying to be friendly, not tie him down too soon. No one likes to know they’re being left out, but you would have understood his reasoning had he told you.

You’ll probably both be more thankful for each other after you talk it out.

-V

November 18, 2015

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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