V's Take

Dear V: Caught in his ex’s shadow

Dear V,

Lately my boyfriend seems to be hung up on his ex.

I don’t know what happened – we’ve been dating for four months and he hasn’t been brought her up much until recently – but he’ll say little things like, “Oh, my ex used to wear her hair like that,” or “My ex used to go to movies late to skip the trailers too.” It’s not something that’s driving me crazy, but it’s making me wonder why she’s suddenly on his mind again. I’m wondering if he’s not over her or if it’s just a fluke. I’m not interested in being his rebound. I thought he was over her when we first started dating, but I also don’t want to bring this up and start a fight if it’s not a big deal. What should I do?


Doubtful Doppelganger

Dear Doppelganger,

First of all, who skips the trailers? They’re part of the whole movie-going experience. It’s hard to believe that there’s not one – but two – of you out there who do that, but what’s really crazy is that your boyfriend has managed to date both of you savages.

Moving on.

This small hiccup isn’t a reason to abandon ship or make your boyfriend walk the plank. It’s possible that it may have been his ex’s birthday recently and he couldn’t help but remember, or maybe he saw that she got engaged on Facebook and it was on his mind. If your guy and his ex ended on good terms or if they were together for a long time, it will be a while before he’s completely over her.

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or isn’t ready to date you, that just means he still holds a place in his heart for someone he spent a lot of time with – which is a good thing, in a way. If you two ever break up, would you want him to be over you by Monday and in a relationship by Tuesday?

No, of course not.

So relax. Mention how one of your exes makes his coffee or shaves his face like he does a few times and see if he takes the hint. If not, next time he mentions how you’re like his ex, casually quip back that you’ll make sure not to do what reminded him of her again. Do that a few times and he’ll probably stop mentioning her for good.

While you’re at it, grab some popcorn and get in there in time for the previews.



November 11, 2015



Advice Columnist

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