Dear V,
I’m living in the dorms with a roommate who I was randomly assigned with. She’s great and we get along well – but her boyfriend keeps hitting on me.
At first, I thought I was paranoid. I assumed he was just being friendly or trying to get to know me, but the signs have become clearer. A few days ago, I walked in wearing a towel from the showers and my roomie and her boyfriend were in bed cuddling. He asked me if I wanted to join and I laughed it off like a joke. Yesterday, I was putting away my laundry and my roommate’s boyfriend said that my bra must look wonderful on me.
I’m afraid if I ask him to stop, he’ll start a fight. But, if I don’t say anything, I’ll fuel the fire and my roommate might think I hit on him instead. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Catch-22
Dear Catch-22,
It’s odd that your roomie’s boyfriend invited you for a menage a trois in front of her and she didn’t say anything. Are you sure you’re not looking too deep into things? Some guys are naturally flirty, so it might just be his personality type.
But, if you’re certain he’s hitting on you and your gut’s telling you he’s a creep, then don’t ignore it.
For all we know, your roomie and her beau might be subtly suggesting that they’re swingers, and I don’t mean of the playground variety. They could be trying to gauge your reaction. This is fine and dandy for some folks, but don’t get in the middle of things with someone you’re contractually obligated to live with for a year – that’s just messy, and you’d probably end up with a third roommate.
So, nip the flirting in the bud, but don’t turn him down while your roomie’s not around. Her boyfriend could say that you flirted back and even make up things that aren’t the truth. Instead, calmly ask that he stop saying suggestive things to you in front of your roommate. That way, both parties will know you’re not interested without playing any games of he-said, she-said.
Maybe your roomie has noticed this behavior but feels like she’s being crazy, too. She might feel a bit validated to hear it from someone else that he’s making moves on girls that aren’t his girl.
Next time a saucy comment comes up, say something simple like, “Did you mean to say that to my roommate?” or, the plain old “Sorry, I’m not feeling it.” If things continue, you’ll have to be more point blank, but try being casual first.
Tell your roomie’s boyfriend to cut it out with the sweet talk and hopefully your dorm can return to normalcy – or, that is, as normal as communal showers and drunk, loud floor mates can be.
-V