Dear V,
I broke up with my boyfriend of over three years about four months ago. I’ve been trying to get back into the dating game and I’m struggling – it’s as if the universe wants me to get back with my ex. Everything I do seems to remind me of him, from watching old TV shows we used to binge on together to the way I make my coffee (he teased me for using too much sugar). I know how dumb it sounds, but part of me wants to pick up the phone and see how he’s been. After all, we only broke up because he moved for work – we didn’t even want to split. Should I break the ice, or battle the cold alone?
Sincerely,
Elsa
Dear Elsa,
Moving on after a relationship ends is always rough, and breaking up due to circumstances you couldn’t control is worse. There will always be that “what if?” in the back of your head, making you wonder if the decision to break up was worth it. When you end on good terms, it’s difficult not to want to keep in touch, and when you’ve been intimate with someone for so long, it’s not just the romance that you’ll miss. You’ll miss the companionship, laughs and inside jokes as well, which makes it seem impossible to give them the cold shoulder.
However, my advice is to “Let it Go.” Yes, at times you’ll cave and send a regrettable text or two, but remember that there’s a reason you two split to begin with.
You talked it out and decided not to try a long-distance relationship. Sure, you two clearly cared about each other, but if you were really in love you wouldn’t have let distance divide you so easily.
Being cold to someone can make you feel more like the villain than the hero at times, but if being Hans rather than Elsa or Anna helps you move on from a relationship that should remain “Frozen” in time, then do what you have to do to move forward.
Putting yourself out there will help. Find a new guy to keep your eye on. Even if he’s a “fixer-upper,” your Kristoff is out there. Don’t beat yourself up if you feel blue over your ex occasionally. You have good memories, and as Olaf says, “Some people are worth melting for.”
Just don’t lose sight of the big picture – there’s another guy out there for you to make new memories with. So grab some cocoa and throw on your comfiest sweater, and remember that the cold never bothered you anyway.
-V