Opinion

Mark Light milkshakes spark interest, patience

For the “generation without an attention span,” we surely don’t mind waiting for something if we want it badly enough.

New “Hunger Games” movie? Wait in line. Thirty-minute wait at Buffalo Wild Wings? Wait for your buzzer to ring. New season of “Breaking Bad?” Wait until it comes out on Netflix (for some reason, we’re not attuned to waiting through commercials.)

Somehow, Mark Light Field at Alex Rodriguez Park has figured out its own secret to reeling in hundreds of students almost every week to wait in line for the holy grail of calories: the Mark Light milkshake.

“The average wait in line is 15-45 minutes,” said Coral Gables High School student Jordan Arribas while waiting in line Wednesday evening at the Hurricanes game against Central Florida.

Forty-five minutes? That’s almost as long as a class. Can you imagine adding another class period to your day just to get a Styrofoam cup of creamy fat? Could these milkshakes really be that delectable?

“My dad used to go here, so I usually just call him while I’m waiting to brag about the fact that I get to have a Mark Light shake,” said Brad Prechoski, a graduate student.

Okay, obviously general consensus agreed that these concoctions were dynamite. To be honest, I was a bit skeptical at first.

With this school’s food, you never know if the milkshakes just appear better by comparison, like when you go to a party and only one girl looks hot because she is surrounded by an entourage that could pass for Muppets.

Regardless, even if the ice cream blend is worth it, that’s a still a hefty chunk of time to kill. So how do students pass the time?

“I usually go on this app called theCHIVE,” Prechoski said. “It’s really funny and sometimes it has pictures of half-naked girls.”

Well, the latter could certainly make you hungrier. Or, you know, ruin your chances of ever attracting half-naked girls by endowing you with a fresh set of flab.

“We usually just rap Iggy Azalea songs,” said Matton Comay, a member of the UM a cappella group BisCaydence. “But the entire discography – not just the basic songs on the radio.”

Clearly, these guys had tried-and-true techniques to pass time. I proposed playing a friendly game of telephone, but everyone was too busy checking Instagram … on their telephones.

Still, why waste time when you could be brainstorming new ways to improve the very milkshake you’re waiting for?

“I’d make a flavor called ‘I’d die for my Cinnabons,’” senior Kenny Langer said.

Oh man, that was creative. These ideas had some serious promise.

“I’d make a pulled pork flavor,” graduate student Thien Van Tran said.

I spoke too soon.

Regardless, at the end of the day, this milkshake mecca is a water cooler for our Cane community. I met numerous students who joined at this ballpark to enjoy their first famous Mark Light shake together.

So, to all companies struggling to connect with millennials and our “short attention spans,” just try to create something that students will be willing to wait for.

That doesn’t mean you need pictures of half-naked women.

Danny New is a sophomore majoring in broadcast journalism. “The Maturity Column” runs alternating Mondays.

April 19, 2015

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Danny New


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