V's Take

Dear V: Relationships shouldn’t be scheduled

Dear V,

My boyfriend is a full-time college student and also works a job, so I know he has a tough schedule at times. However, lately, he’s not interested in the part of our relationship that should be the most exciting: what goes on in the bedroom. He never initiates anymore, and I’m stuck doing double the work. Because he’s so stressed, his new idea has been planning when we have sex, two times a week. I feel like I’m making appointments with my doctor, not having fun with somebody I care about! What should I do?

Stuck in the Waiting Room


Dear Stuck in the Waiting Room,

You shouldn’t be made to feel that sex is merely a requirement in a relationship rather than something you can enjoy and share together with your partner. In fact, your boyfriend’s approach of scheduling when it happens takes away from one of the best parts: spontaneity.

It sounds to me like your boyfriend isn’t quite “Dr. Feelgood” right now.

In fact, I’d start to question if your Doc is seeing other patients, taking away from the time he has to spare for visiting with you.

Of course, only you know your boyfriend well enough to determine that, but the sudden lack of interest may be a symptom of a bigger problem. Only you can make that diagnosis.

If that’s not the issue, break out your scalpel and gauze. Let’s dissect this issue.

Your guy may be bored with what goes on between the sheets and has lost interest because playtime has become predictable. So, why not spice it up?

Try on some lingerie and see how he reacts to your new threads next time you’re in the sack. Or, try out that thing you’ve always wondered if he would like but have been too shy to ask. For a third idea, a change of scenery may help save your sex life from cardiac arrest. Try getting saucy in a place other than the bedroom.

Ultimately, if these treatments don’t work, there may be no cure. Perhaps your boyfriend has a lower sex drive than you do, or perhaps you’re not meant for each other. Don’t stay in a relationship where you’re not satisfied.

If you do move on, remember there is someone out there who wants to be intimate just as frequently. And when you find the right guy, you’ll know.

As they say, “the doctor will see you now.”


March 25, 2015



Advice Columnist

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