V's Take

Dear V: Two’s company, three’s a crowd

V,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. Recently, I started worrying that he was getting bored in the bedroom. So, to spice things up, I asked an acquaintance from my acting class to, er, join us.

But as soon as things started getting hot and heavy, I felt like my boyfriend  was paying way too much attention to her. I talked to him about it and he promised he wasn’t interested in that girl, but now I feel awkward every time I see her in class. I’m scared my boyfriend is going to leave me. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Three’s Company

Dear Jealous Janie,

First of all, I have trouble feeling too sorry for you, considering you broke the golden rule of threesomes: the third person should never be someone either of you know – especially someone you have a class with. It’s bad enough you have to listen to her crappy monologues without watching her play MiMi to your boyfriend’s Roger. I mean, haven’t you ever seen the crash-and-burn results of the Dan-Vanessa-Olivia ménage à trois on “Gossip Girl?”

It can be awkward enough hooking up with a classmate and then having to face her after she spent the night on your bright pink sheets from freshman year. Have you noticed that she not only saw your goods, but your man’s as well? That’s enough reason right there for you to skip class in the foreseeable future

However, unless you plan on pulling a Marty McFly and slapping some sense into your pre-threesome self, my suggestion is simple: move on. If you’re still worried that your man’s getting bored, maybe it’s time to hit Spencer’s and see if you can find some fun toys for two. In fact, I’m sure you could get a few fun tips from the soon-to-be-blockbuster “Fifty Shades of Grey.” If Rihanna likes whips and chains, maybe your sweetie will too.

As for your leading lady, I think it’s safe to say that the closest the two of you should get from now on is painting the same set piece. Jealousy isn’t pretty on anyone, so put those Theater 101 skills to good use and act like you don’t care. If that fails, avoid her at all costs, and the next time you decide to spice things up, pick a chick off Tinder like the rest of us.

V

January 25, 2015

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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