V's Take

Dear V: My relationship went down a toilet …

V,

I was engaged to a co-worker, but this past weekend I saw him hooking up with some guy at Ultra. But he wasn’t just making out with someone random; he was hooking up in a port-a-potty. I mean, who does that? We were supposed to be waiting to get married when gay marriage was legal in Florida. So much for that commitment. What do I do, V? I was ready to spend my life with this man who turned out to be a man whore. 

Sincerely, 

I want a relationship like Bert and Ernie’s

 

 

Dear Ricky Martin,

I know it’s hard – seeing someone who you care about so dearly stab you in the back like that.

Truthfully, he did you a favor. He was clearly going to cheat on you anyway, so it’s better that he did it now instead of after the two of you were already married. Imagine how much sadder your life would be if you were a 20-something-year-old divorcee. You don’t want to be Ross from “Friends.” You just don’t.

You’re in a great place right now. You get to start your love life over. You get to be free and spend the weekends at Disko with all the super talented drag queens. They’re lots of fun and they’ll let you touch their fake boobies. Trust.

And then you can go to Palace for Sunday Brunch. Miss Noelle Leon will give you a shot that’ll mend your broken heart.

Let your partner live la vida loca and enjoy the rest of your 20s. This part of your life only happens once and it’s not worth it to sulk over a sucky man.

Lean on your best girlfriends and burn all of his stuff. A seance will help you reach a new level spiritually and send some bad juju his way.

Let me know if you need anything. I’ll put on a sequined top and accompany you to South Beach any day.

Much love and stay fabulous.

V

March 30, 2014

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Miami baseball coach Gino DiMare didn’t want his Hurricanes this past Sunday looking ahead to the we ...

When UM spring practice begins in a month, here’s one of many things the coaches need to determine: ...

Jaiden Francois already had a reputation as one of South Florida’s top defensive backs for the Class ...

It could be a fruitful year for the Miami Hurricanes in the 2019 NFL Draft. NFL Draft analyst Mel Ki ...

A quick six-pack off UM coach Manny Diaz’s conversation with Joe Zagacki and Don Bailey Jr. on WQAM’ ...

Students are invited to participate in the second annual Students of Color Symposium this weekend, f ...

The University of Miami connects scholarship recipients with the donors who helped make their educat ...

From eliminating waste to reusable containers, there are simple steps you can take to make UM more s ...

UM public health experts try to help tackle Venezuela’s ongoing health care crisis. ...

The Ring Theatre’s contemporary reworking of Molière’s “The Misanthrope” showcases the skills of UM’ ...

The University of Miami got off to a dream start at the ACC Swimming & Diving Championships Wedn ...

The sophomore first baseman smashed two homers to help power Canes to 4-0 start. ...

The University of Miami track and field team is set to compete at the 2019 ACC Indoor Track and Fiel ...

The Hurricanes will wrap up a four-game homestand with a midweek game against FAU on Wednesday at 6 ...

The No. 14 Miami women's basketball team is set to cap its longest road stretch of the season T ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.