V's Take

Dear V: Man, she’s not feeling like a woman …


I‘m dating a girl that likes to wear a monocle, and it kind of creeps me out. She wears a monocle because she likes to think she’s an old-fashioned detective, and she likes to think she’s a 60-year-old man when she’s having sex with me. 

She wanted to try role-playing recently to spice up our relationship, and now I’m creeped out by how much she’s dedicated to her role. Either I’m sleeping with an extraordinary actress or a sociopath. What should I do, V?

I think I’m dating Albert Nobbs 



Dear Sally Field,


Your situation exists in one of two scenarios: Your girlfriend has either seen “Mrs. Doubtfire” too many times, or she’s psychologically damaged and needs to be helped.

I’m not one to judge a person’s personal preferences, and I don’t think I’m the ultimate judge of what gets someone off, but cross-dressing to the point where you turn into a grandfather in the bedroom sets off lots and lots of red flags. This chick has daddy issues that not even Freud himself could decipher.

It could be that she’s one of those artsy types that just likes to experiment with herself and the concept of fluid sexuality. If we take a step back and look at this in a larger sense, this experience could prove really beneficial for your sexual repertoire. This girl could be the one to expand your horizons, and no matter what any other woman throws at you in the future, you’d be able to handle it because when you were in college, you were hooking up with a girl who wanted to dress like a 60-year-old dude in the sack.

If I were you, I’d suggest some other role-playing options of your own, and if she’s receptive then knock yourself out.

But, we also have to remember that not every sexual encounter is going to be an extravaganza. You all are so concerned with “spicing up” your relationships, but how much spicing up do you need? We’re all in our 20s and have libidos like wild animals.

Tread carefully and make sure she’s not going to kill you in your sleep. But before then, have a conversation about what your sexual relationship is really about. If you only want to see this girl for kinky sexual encounters, then a conversation isn’t needed.

Maybe if you dress up like a 60-year-old lady, you’ll balance each other out. Just make sure your prosthetic nose doesn’t fall off.


March 23, 2014



Advice Columnist

Around the Web

An asynchronous learning model provided an opportunity to create a hands-on process with a three-dimensional approach for a fall class. ...

Claire Paris-Limouzy started freediving for research and ended up becoming a record-breaking athlete who is also spearheading a Scientific Freediving program at the University. ...

Sociology scholars from around the world convened for a virtual conference hosted by the University of Miami on Thursday to explore shifting tendencies in international relocation and the implications for global social change. ...

Lauryn Williams, track and field and bobsled medalist, addressed the University community during Wednesday night’s “What Matters to U” virtual event. ...

During his appearance Tuesday on a webinar hosted by the University of Miami Patti and Allan Herbert Business School, tech mogul Eric Yuan highlighted the importance of a workplace culture of happiness and urged that businesses pay greater attention to the digital divide. ...

TMH Twitter
About Us

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Florida. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published in print every Tuesday.