V's Take

Dear V: My girlfriend wants British babes …

V,

My girlfriend admitted that she fantasizes about other people while we’re having sex. She told me that the action has gotten stale, and she imagines sleeping with celebrities. 

The weird part is that she is not into American stars like George Clooney or Leonardo DiCaprio. Instead she’s into the Brits like Benjamin Cumberbatch, Ralph Fiennes and Daniel Radcliffe. Her ultimate fantasy is to have a threesome with Cumberbatch and Radcliffe. She’s obsessed with these fandoms.

What do you think I should do? I really like her, but I don’t feel comfortable acting as a surrogate Potterhead.

Sincerely,

Can’t handle these Cumberbitches

 

 

Dear Every-guy-whose-girlfriend-has-a-Tumblr,

You’re going to have to build a big, fat bridge and get over it.

Honestly, if I were you I’d just have fun with it. Do you know the amount of leverage you can get over this girl if and when she makes you dress up like a boy wizard? The possibilities are endless. For example, have you ever had a Princess Leia/Jabba the Hutt fantasy? I’m sure you can get her to sport a metal bikini whenever it tickles your fancy just because she’ll owe you for the Sherlock/Potter fantasy.

Indulge in your deepest desires while at the same time playing into hers. It’s every guy’s dream to have a magical stick anyway,  so why not just make it a wand. I’m sure it’ll be more pleasurable than you think it will be, and let’s be real here – a little roleplay never hurt anybody.

If you really don’t feel comfortable with this to the point where it’s messing with your libido, then get rid of her. It’s not worth being with someone who doesn’t satisfy your needs, but demands you to satisfy theirs.

Or maybe, find a fantasy that you both like. Maybe it’s your calling as a couple to play the parts of dear Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Crawley, who took 100,000 years to get together and then he died … I’m not bitter. But that aside, maybe the upstairs/downstairs intrigue of “Downton Abbey” is something that the both of you could enjoy. She gets her English fix, and you get to stop thinking about being compared to The Boy Who Lived.

Though being that four-eyed little wizard nerd does have its upsides. After all, he was naked in front of an entire Broadway audience and became the fantasy of every teenage girl in America.

Think of yourself as Paul McCartney circa 1965 and you’ll be good to go. Channel that cheeky British humor and have at it.

V

 
March 2, 2014

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Though it’s early, UM already has assembled an outstanding nine-member 2020 recruiting class, a grou ...

Three days before they open their season against the Rutgers Scarlet Knights, the Miami Hurricanes h ...

The first half of Wednesday night’s game was as lousy as the weather outside the Watsco Center, as t ...

UM coach Manny Diaz took his staff to the Florida Keys on Tuesday evening to visit with famous Keys ...

Dominic Mammarelli didn’t only commit to the Miami Hurricanes because of Mark Richt and his old staf ...

The University of Miami will host the first symposium to explore LGBTQ human rights across the Ameri ...

UM experts react to a new ban that prohibits people in Key West from using certain types of sunscree ...

A matchmaker extraordinaire, Ricardo Cepeda, the manager of the UM Zebrafish Facility, is passionate ...

The Shelley family shares their story of four generations at the University of Miami. ...

Mark Rowlands, a University of Miami professor who adopted and raised a wolf-dog cub, observed the s ...

The Canes open the 75th season in program history and first under the direction of head coach Gino D ...

The No. 15 Miami women's tennis team is set to open league competition Saturday afternoon with ...

ACC unveils opponents for 20-game conference schedules for next three seasons. ...

Miami tops Clemson 65-64, as Johnson hits game-winner with 0.4 seconds remaining. ...

The Miami women's tennis team ascended two spots in this week's Oracle/ITA team rankings a ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.