V,
I have recently found myself single, and I hate the dating game. Nonetheless, I understand that if I want to be happy and in love, I need to persevere through awkward first dates, and my recent first date was no exception. After a two-hour dinner filled with great conversation, we went back to my place to share a bottle of wine. One bottle turned into two and after some innocent kissing, he fell asleep on my living room floor. This was not a little nap; he was sound asleep, snoring and all. I was finally able to nudge him awake, and he ended up sleeping on my couch. The next morning, I made pancakes for us and he then went home. I really liked him and wanted to take it slow, but I don’t know how to read into him sleeping on my couch after the first date. I think it was slightly inappropriate to spend the night, but I was happy he respected my boundaries and didn’t push to sleep in my bed. What should I think?
Hopeless Dater
Dear Charlotte York,
The key in these types of situation is to say “no” to social awkwardness.
It doesn’t matter how many dates you go on or how many creeps you meet on Match.com, the idea is to put yourself out there. And you’ve done that, so that’s good.
But I’m gonna stop you at sharing a bottle of wine – are we sure your dream guy isn’t a super raging homosexual? Let’s break this down: He went back to your place to drink some wine, “innocently kissed you” and then just slept on your couch? That’s it? Why aren’t we just honest with ourselves and call this what it is – you were his beard for the night. And that’s OK, it happens.
It’s sad to say, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a guy be respectful just for the hell of it. Usually, they just have sex with you whether they intend to keep seeing you or not.
I know you really like him, but it’s best to just cut your losses. The poor guy is probably just dealing with some existential issues and wants to work some stuff out within himself.
That’s probably why he spent the night – because he’s not really worried about impressing you anyway.
I would say to hang out with some douchey frat guys who are bonafide men’s men, but we all know that’s not necessarily the case. They could be hiding some huge sexual insecurities under those over-developed gorilla arms.
V