V's Take

Dear V: Help me dress like a slut…

V,

I don’t know what I am going to dress up as for Halloween. I went to the costume shop near Sunset Place and couldn’t decide what slutty persona to take on. Playboy bunny, hot pumpkin, firefighter with excellent pole-sliding skills or Miley Cyrus (VMA version, of course). What should I be to impress all of the sexy police officers, doctors and cavemen? Be honest with me. I have a great body and don’t want to hide it on the one day I can be a complete and utter slut.

Can’t Be Tamed

 

Dear Karen Smith,

Put your clothes back on.

I don’t care how great your body is, you are no Anna Nicole Smith circa 2001. Have some respect for your parents and practice some self-preservation.

I’m the first one to advocate wild behavior and relatively loose morals, but just because Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it, doesn’t mean it’s a free for all.

While I agree that the culture in this town is gearing more towards having to hang it all out there in order to attract male attention, I maintain that men can smell the desperate on you.

And you’ll definitely reek of Hoe No. 5 if you try to pull off any of these costumes.

You’re clearly a decent person if you’re second-guessing your outfit choices.

If you want my legitimate opinion, dress up in something that’s both sexy and classy … like Jessica Rabbit or Marilyn Monroe. Elegance is key, and a form-fitting red dress does wonders for your love life – especially if you have a body like the one you claim to have.

If I hear of a girl in leopard print lingerie with animal ears dancing on a bar in Brickell, I’ll know who they’re talking about … Don’t let that girl be you.

You should get closer to Jesus or something.

V

October 24, 2013

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Fredrick Eaford was quick to make it clear the Miami Hurricanes were his dream team to commit to. Af ...

Linebacker might be the most important position for the Miami Hurricanes to recruit in the Class of ...

Issiah Walker Jr. won’t be at Paradise Camp on Saturday. Instead of attending the Miami Hurricanes’ ...

June is a huge recruiting month for the Miami Hurricanes. It concludes with Paradise Camp on June 22 ...

The University of Miami showed women’s basketball coach Katie Meier how much it appreciates her on F ...

Evo Morales, first elected president of Bolivia in 2005, and could win an unprecedented fourth term ...

The University of Miami Black Alumni Society is hosting a number of Juneteenth events around the cou ...

The University of Miami Rosenstiel School’s Rescue a Reef program teams up with the NFL and others t ...

The Frost Chopin Festival and Academy at the University of Miami provides unparalleled experiences f ...

The Emmy Award-winning journalist, who grew up in Miami and started her career in Spanish language t ...

The Miami women's basketball team will face Indiana at the Watsco Center in the 2019 Big Ten/AC ...

The University of Miami volleyball program is set to host the Hurricane Invitational and nine ACC ho ...

Games will be contested July 3-14 in Naples, Italy. ...

University of Miami Director of Athletics Blake James announced Friday a contract extension for head ...

Adrian Del Castillo garnered his second Freshman All-America honor of the year, appearing on the Per ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.