V's Take

Dear V: This spell is as dry as the Sahara Desert …

Dear V,

I’ve been on a major dry spell lately. I don’t know what’s going on, I just can’t seem to find someone I like enough to let into my heart. I recently met this guy at a tailgate and he was nice enough but nothing to spark any emotions. What’s wrong with me? Am I just too busy looking for “the one?” What do I do? Please help!

Sincerely,

Pride and Prudeness

 

Dear Liz Lemon,

You need to get over the idea that you’re going to find a Matt Damon-shaped astronaut and come back to the real world.

“The One” is a fictional character created by Disney movies and romantic comedies. He doesn’t exist, and more importantly, he’s not coming to find you. Charming is too busy hooking up with the next red-headed hussy in a two-piece to realize that you’re even available – but I digress.

There is no such thing as letting someone “into your heart.” We’re in college – the only heart you should be concerning yourself with is that fake one you had to dissect in biology 101 (I’m clearly not a science major).

Don’t worry about opening up emotionally, this is the time in your life when you’re allowed to make out with strangers and meet new people. Take off the chastity belt and have some fun. Men are attracted to confidence. That’s maybe where you’ve gone wrong. You’re probably giving a vibe that says something along the lines of, “I want to maybe get it in, but first I have to fix my shirt because I don’t like the way I look right now, so please stop staring at me.” Get over yourself and man up.

Stick your chest out, pop out your booty and go get it. Fraternity men are thirsty and they don’t discriminate.

As far as that boy from the tailgate, if you’re not about it, you’re not about it. There’s nothing much you can do there.

Go find a lonely SAE.

 

V

October 13, 2013

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web

Caribbean experts assessed the coronavirus’s impact on the region in a webinar on Nov. 19 hosted by the University of Miami Institute for Advanced Study of the Americas. ...

A project on race, housing, and displacement in Miami connects past patterns of discrimination to modern disparities. ...

United Black Students and the Black Student Athlete Alliance, in partnership with the University of Miami administration, mobilize to honor the lives lost due to police brutality. ...

As students and faculty and staff members prepare to wrap up the Fall 2020 semester, here’s a look at the availability of facilities and services during the break. ...

The University of Miami president called for increased cooperation, new powers for the World Health Organization, and transparency incentives as critical to manage and mitigate future health outbreaks. ...

TMH Twitter
About Us

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Florida. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published in print every Tuesday.