V's Take

Dear V: How slow should I go…

V,

I started dating a guy I met this past summer from back home who graduated from the University of Miami and still lives and works in Miami. We reconnected once I got back to Miami and hit it off. We are now officially boyfriend and girlfriend and have been for almost a month now. We both want to “take things slow.” What does this mean though? How slow is slow? Simply, how long should I wait to have sex (intercourse) with him? Should I talk to him about it? HELP! 

Keeping It Classy

 

Dear Slowpoke,

You shouldn’t feel like you have to clarify that sex is intercourse. We’re all adults here. The best thing to do is talk to him, but if you can’t even write the word sex with confidence to an anonymous person writing a column in a newspaper, you won’t be able to talk to him about this in person. Get over saying the taboo “s-word” and then read the rest of this answer.

In my experience, “taking it slow” means, “I’m not sure if I like you yet, so I need an opportunity for an out in case I really, really hate you.”

This probably isn’t your case.

If you’re worried that he’ll leave you because you won’t have sex with him, you should probably leave him first because all that means is that he’s a douchebag who doesn’t deserve you.

But since that probably isn’t the case either, what I would say is to just play it by ear. Don’t let outside pressures dictate what’s supposed to go on in your relationship. Monica Geller had sex on a first date on the very first episode of “Friends,” and when they did the audience likability test, the producers found that people didn’t care that she was loose – they still loved her.

So be Monica Geller. Or don’t be, it’s up to you.

My advice for you is to plan a really rom-com influenced dinner, complete with candlelight and cheap wine, and see where the night takes you. If you find that things lead you to more adult activities, be a willing participant and enjoy. You’re allowed to stop it whenever it becomes too uncomfortable. Don’t feel bad about that.

Don’t worry, Chandler will love you no matter how many times you reorganize your apartment.

V

October 2, 2013

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Planet Kreyol and the Office of Multicultural Student Affairs host a remembrance ceremony to salute ...

University of Miami film and media specialists discuss the dynamics—competition, quality, and delive ...

The destruction throughout portions of southwestern Puerto Rico brings back memories of the devastat ...

The unique program ends with students in the nation’s capital, meeting with elected officials, explo ...

University of Miami Laboratory for Integrative Knowledge grantees learn more about the science of te ...

The Miami men's basketball team will welcome ninth-ranked Florida State to the Watsco Center Sa ...

Miami drops a road contest at North Carolina. ...

Miami heads to Chapel Hill on Thursday to take on North Carolina. ...

The Miami men's basketball team fell to NC State, 80-63, Wednesday night at PNC Arena. ...

Sam Waardenburg has been a steady, consistent presence for the Hurricanes during a tough January str ...

TMH Twitter
About Us

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Florida. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published in print every Tuesday.