Opinion

Blurred lines don’t exist in consent

In many movies I’ve seen, there are the “hot scenes” – lustful kisses, passionate groping, vases knocked over and clothes that can’t come off fast enough. The foreplay is always perfect. Then comes the “big moment,” with one beautiful transition into the next.

There are no questions or interruptions, just gasps and goosebumps. But I can’t recall ever seeing someone stop in the middle of the lustful roller coaster ride to say, “Yes, we can have intercourse now” or “I do not plan on allowing you to penetrate me.”

Many rape prevention and safe-sex advocate groups chant, “Yes means yes, and no means no,” but there is a lack of real discourse on what consent means. I would like to explore this often overlooked gray area. There may not always be clear-cut moments of communicating and understanding “yes” or “no.”

Sometimes my sister asks to borrow something that I don’t want to lend her. But I suffer from people-pleasing disorder, so I say, “Yes,” when I want to say, “No.”

Recently my friends wanted to meet up, and I didn’t. But then I did, and then I didn’t. I was thinking “no” as my car drove there. Halfway there, I decided I didn’t feel like being around people, so I went home.

Consent can be that fleeting. One second I want something and the next I don’t. I have a right to change my mind, and it doesn’t make my new decision void.

Being intoxicated also plays into this, and thus, it is another issue that should be mentioned when discussing proper consent. Most drunk people can’t decide which shoe goes on which foot, so how can they be capable of giving someone consent to “hook up?”

I know people who have been raped and others who don’t acknowledge that they have raped. If you see wrongdoing, report it, stop it and stand up for what’s right.

We must respect the gray area and understand what’s considered to be proper consent. And it is our responsibility to talk about this and teach others what it really means.

Find creative ways to get the approval to move from first base to second base and so forth. Life is not a movie. Every transition counts.

 

Hana Abdulla is a junior majoring in public relations.

 
September 22, 2013

Reporters

Hana Abdulla


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

If redshirt freshman N’Kosi Perry is starting Thursday night for the No. 16 Miami Hurricanes against ...

It sure sounds like redshirt freshman N’Kosi Perry is going to get his first career start at 8 Thurs ...

If he hasn’t made it already, Miami Hurricanes coach Mark Richt has a defining decision to ponder in ...

They were way below the radar coming into the 1983 season. And after their 28-3 opening-game loss to ...

In the opening eight minutes on Saturday — and the final seven minutes — FIU looked like a team that ...

Theatre arts students open the Ring Theatre’s 2018-19 season with a tribute to the creative genius w ...

UM representatives earned Novice and Junior Varsity categories at the National Opener, one of the mo ...

The Office of Civic and Community Engagement receives a $300,000 investment from JPMorgan Chase to t ...

Get Out The Vote, a nonpartisan initiative headed by the Division of Student Affairs and the Butler ...

University of Miami Libraries commemorates Banned Books Week with a special event and display. ...

Conference play is just a few days away and the Miami Hurricanes are focused on their ACC opener on ...

The Miami Hurricanes were one of the biggest risers in both major polls released Sunday, jumping to ...

Miami junior Estela Perez-Somarriba's 6-4, 6-3 victory over Evgeniya Levashova will be re-broad ...

Estela Perez-Somarriba of the Miami women's tennis team earned one of the most prestigious coll ...

The University of Miami volleyball program defeated Duke, 3-1, winning its fourth straight match and ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.