V's Take

Dear V: My neighbors are really into kinky PDA…

Dear V, 

I just moved in to my new apartment near campus and something strange happened. I looked out my window, and I saw my neighbors having sex. They were up against their window! And, I mean, they’re attractive enough, it’s just really uncomfortable when I come home from a long day at school to have to see that. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do about this, and this is just a constant reminder of my lack of a love life. Do I approach them? Do I call my landlord? What if I see these people around school? PLEASE HELP.

Sincerely,

Blue Ball Brian

 

Dear Peeping Tom,

People pay good money for porn – you should be happy you’re getting a live show for free.

If we’ve learned anything from marathon-watching “Friends,” you should know that you should enjoy this while it lasts, these people will inevitably get older and, chances are, fatter. Granted, you probably won’t be living in that apartment that long, but the lesson you should take from this is to bask in knowing that you’re paying for basic cable while getting a free peep show.

As far as approaching them … don’t. These people know they’re on display, no one has sex in front a window for privacy. Let them get their kinks, just because you’re in the middle of a dry spell doesn’t mean you have to ruin everyone else’s fun.

The reason you’re so obsessed with this is because you’re secretly enjoying it – don’t lie. You probably get home and watch them for a little bit before you decide it’s too weird and close your blinds. Oh, and by the way, if you don’t want to see it, you should probably close your blinds. Or if you don’t have those, invest in some curtains.

There are more than 400,000 people living in the city of Miami. The chance that these two are University of Miami students is slim.

Do yourself a favor and stop whining about your love life – a watched pot never boils.

V

September 4, 2013

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

They were way below the radar coming into the 1983 season. And after their 28-3 opening-game loss to ...

In the opening eight minutes on Saturday — and the final seven minutes — FIU looked like a team that ...

The N’Kosi Perry era is here. Whether it’s here to stay is yet to be seen. The fans got what they wa ...

Ten takeaways from UM’s 31-17 win against FIU on Saturday at Hard Rock Stadium: ▪ Credit Mark Richt ...

As the Miami Hurricanes started their third series against the FIU Panthers on Saturday afternoon, t ...

Get Out The Vote, a nonpartisan initiative headed by the Division of Student Affairs and the Butler ...

University of Miami Libraries commemorates Banned Books Week with a special event and display. ...

A year after UPup’s founding father met his match, the service club is realizing its goal of becomin ...

UM students, faculty and staff commemorated the five-year anniversary of the Donna E. Shalala Studen ...

Miami’s Turnover Chain inspires copycats, but the U’s turnover prop has a ‘cool factor.’ ...

N'Kosi Perry and a dominant Miami defense led the Hurricanes to a 31-17 victory over the Panthe ...

Estela Perez-Somarriba of the Miami women's tennis team is headed to the championship of one th ...

The Miami women's tennis team posted a 5-2 mark in official matches on the second day of the Mi ...

Freshman Riley Howard continued her incredible start as a Canes cross country runner setting another ...

The University of Miami soccer team is set to host Virginia Tech Sunday at noon at Cobb Stadium. ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.