Dear V: Stalkers make me famous…

Dear V,

I like to study in the serenity of the ninth floor stacks. It is comforting to know that I am usually the only one there. All of a sudden, I have noticed that the same person has been sitting in the cubicle next to mine for the past week. He enters and leaves the library at the same time as me. This has been happening for a week. Do you think this is a coincidence? Does he want something from me? What should I do? 



Silence of the Stacks,

Great perfume campaigns promise love and happiness with the purchase of their symbolic scents. Kate Winslet gave us the “Tresor” to our hearts. Charlize Theron embodies sensual attraction expressed with a French term “j’adore,” or “I love.”

Like any good scent, though, it goes away. These advertisements mask the true messages of their scents. They don’t indicate love but promote obsession with a fantasy that will probably never be fulfilled. A fantasy that resembles your stalker scenario.

There is something alluring about playing with the notion of a stalker. Someone is always watching you, learning your every behavior and studying your patterns. Stalkers focus their attention on you and only you. If that doesn’t lead to narcissism, then it’s time to wake up and get that limited-edition copy of “Ovid.”

You feel in control and have the ability to change the course of this situation. You may be more inclined to engage in dangerous liaisons just for the sake of the story. I agree that having a stalker does improve your street-cred.

With that being said, I am not recommending you have a fatal attraction a la Michael Douglas. Stalkers can be emotionally unstable and are often searching for something that is lost in their lives. The hunt and the desire for a person who is unattainable allows stalkers to gain a position of control. If you’re telling yourself “yikes,” then we are making progress.

You also do not want a stranger tweeting you every five seconds about your next move. Think about it. “It’s 10 a.m., she walks into her cubicle. At 10:05 a.m., she opens her computer.” I just wonder how all of this productive and creative energy would be used aside from stalking. Solving the economic crisis, world hunger and Lindsay Lohan are a few ideas.

The other alternative might be that you’re having a relationship with a ghost. He may be a founder of the school and is looking to improve his spirit street-cred. Hey, it’s a hard-knock life when you have nothing to claim but sex with mortals.

FYI, there is no way to get a restraining order for a mass of ectoplasm. The only exception is Casper because no one really has time for him anymore.