Good riddance to 2012, the year that made us afraid to go to school and the movies. Freaks like Adam Lanza and James Holmes really make me ashamed to be of the same species. I wish terrible things on them, and yet even if they were to be carried into the sky by the winged monkeys from “The Wizard of Oz” and torn to shreds, there would still be a lot of upsetting individuals out there.
Please tell me someone slipped something into my drink or maybe embedded a pill into the thick mounds of my morning oatmeal. I thought I might have bit down on something hard in the usual oaty mushiness of my morning meal one time earlier this year. And though I blamed the mysterious quality of dining hall food then, I’m now hoping that a top-of-the-trade 3,892-hour hallucinogenic has been altering my mind for months and months and none of these bizarre horrific stories are real.
I want to wake up from this bad trip and realize that just like curtains don’t really talk, and the shower drain isn’t actually an ever-expanding black hole determined to devour toes, people couldn’t possibly be so disgusting. Yet the truth is even when everyday objects aren’t talkative or scary, people still are.
Being back home in California this winter break, I got online as often as possible to check out the news in Florida. One of the stories to pop up was titled “Florida Woman Claims Mini Horses Sexually Attacked By Man.” I watched the video, read the article, lost my faith in humanity, though I had little to begin with, and went on to read about a naked man who was shot by a neighbor after biting him and choking his dog.
I have enough of a problem with the boys at frat parties who prey on innocent girls hoping to appear anything but innocent, but men who sexually assault miniature horses? Are you kidding me? We rode those at the fair when we were 4 years old and full of hope.
Once upon a time, the worst I felt for a pony was when the fat kid decided to ride it. Now people are raping them. Is this real life? Do we seriously have to deal with this, and are humans really that monstrous? I thought society was supposed to be civilized in this age, but even the cavemen would turn their noses up at this one.
If you’re sick of politics and have no interest in listening to Republicans and Democrats hating on each other, just flip on some reality television so you can follow the lives of people who matter. Personally, I’m excited for the new show the cable channel Oxygen just announced. It’s called “All My Babies’ Mamas,” and it follows the lives of 10 women involved in rap star Carlos “Shawty Lo” Walker’s glamorous life.
The show promotes a reality that is all too harsh: Having 11 children with 10 different women is acceptable and even celebrated in 2013. Congratulations, Shawty Lo, you’ve certainly proved that you are good at getting “laffy taffy.” Never mind that you’ve been convicted for assault and dealing cocaine – I’m sure you make a great father.
Keep in mind that the rap star’s current girlfriend is 19, which is the same age as three of his daughters. Not only did his criminal history not bother the women who so badly wanted to carry his genes in their wombs and his money in their wallets, but the public obviously didn’t have a problem with his past either, sending his hip-hop group D4L’s song “Laffy Taffy” to No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 list in 2006.
These are the people we idolize. We hate politicians and love entertainers. We get angry about taxes and yet support these artists with album sales and sold-out concerts. Who wants to listen to the news when songs like “Laffy Taffy” are out there? “I’d rather dance,” says the youth of America. “Politics are boring!”
Please, let me wake up in a Quentin Tarantino movie, where things are a lot more bearable and right.
Hunter Wright is a freshman majoring in English.