Dear V, “Nice, clean sexting turns me on,” said no one ever…

Dear V,

I’m in a long distance relationship, but things are going really well. My only issue is … well, my boyfriend really sucks at sexting. He’s so specific and anatomically correct, it’s really not attractive. When we’re together the sex is more than satisfactory, but these texts leave something to be desired. I can pretend to be turned on in my response, but really, I’m hardly paying attention anymore. What’s the best way to tell him to be raunchier?


Sextual Tension 


Dear Not So Sexty,

Sounds like you’re not getting your money’s worth with these sexts, so don’t keep running over your texting limit if they’re not even getting you off.  But you definitely need to say something. Soon. No one wants thumb blisters for no reason.

There are a few ways you can approach this.First, be direct. Tell him that his encyclopedic dirty talk does nothing for you. There’s nothing sexy about sounding like a dictionary when you’re trying to get off, and he needs to know that. You’re trying to get textually intimate with your boyfriend, not a Tolstoy novel.

Or you could be more subtle. Send hints with the way you write your texts. If you get sexier with yours, maybe his will get sexier as well.

But I really think you shouldn’t beat around the bush while you’re talking about beating off. The easiest way to get him to understand what you want is to say it straight and not waste your time trying to drop hints he may never pick up. And if it means he stops sending you dirty texts – you haven’t really lost anything, have you?

But being honest won’t destroy your relationship. If you’re making the distance thing work and the sex when you’re together is great, telling him his dirty talk is more like nasty talk won’t make him dump you.

And if his texts don’t get better? Suggest Skyping and let his body do the talking.