Dear V, I want all fifty shades of naughty…

Dear V,

After reading Fifty Shades of Grey, I can’t imagine life without bondage. Ever since I painted my apartment red, my sex life has been nothing but grey. How can I find my Christian Grey?




Dear Miss Steele,

So you’re into S&M. Welcome to my world. I’m all for kinky shit, especially when it involves a leather riding crop.

If you’re looking for a “Sir” to tie you up and do the nasty, I recommend a trip to your neighborhood bondage club. These clubs will satisfy all of your fetish, bondage and BDSM needs. And maybe you’ll find your dream dom.

But I don’t think Christian Grey is who you want gagging you. You should find someone else to take your breath away. He might be a freak in the sheets, but the relationship between Christian and Anastasia is the bad kind of freaky – you don’t want to be tied down that way.

Try not to let your fetish dominate your life. If you want to leave your mark on your partner, go for it. But if you can’t imagine your life without having someone control you, there’s a bigger issue at hand.

Don’t confuse dominance and manipulation. You don’t want to be on a leash outside of the red room. Most importantly, know your limits, pick a safe word and choose the right partner. Like in any relationship, trust and consent are a must.

With that, happy bonding. I hope it’s everything E.L. James makes it out to be and more. Keep a bottle of Advil next to the lube. Some parting words: try the hogtie, invest in a set of nipple clamps and be safe.

We aim to please,