Dear V: My drunken nights go from Groving to groveling…

Dear V ,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year now and every time we go out on Thursday nights we fight over stupid shit. After a few shots and beers, we end up going to the Grove. Then either I get angry or he gets ticked off, and it leads to a stupid fight. Basically, we’re angry drunks. After every argument, we say, “OK, this is the last fight.” But this has been happening for the past month. I love him a lot and we obviously don’t want to break up. What should I do? How can we prevent this?

Tipsy in a Tiff


Dear Honeymooners,

It’s no anomaly that you and your partner are fighting over stuff. After all, that’s half of a relationship. I like the fact that you both only go to the Grove “after a few shots and beers;” maybe you two should try going to the Grove sober once in a while instead of priming yourselves up like Pat Summerall before “Fox NFL Sunday.” I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with pre-gaming, but try making your night pleasant rather than draining the whiskey still like liquor control agents are rolling a convey up the dirt road.

If you’re both angry drunks, maybe you should just stop boozing altogether. First of all, nobody likes an angry drunk, especially when 90 percent of the people at the bar are just trying to have a good time. Think of the buzzes you two have ruined because your friends had to put up with your probably unintelligible and irrational quarrels. You’re sort of like the alien in that movie “Signs” – everything is fine until you show up.

It’s hard for me to tell you how to prevent arguments when I don’t know what you’re arguing about, but I have a hunch it’s one of two things (or both): 1. Someone isn’t paying enough attention or is “being mean” to someone else, or 2. Jealousy. To solve the first problem, stop being so needy; go find one of your friends to talk to and let your partner cool down. For the second one, if you’re jealous, give him enough rope to hang himself. Either you’ll figure out that you were overreacting all along, or you’ll find out you had a reason to be jealous, in which case you can either get rid of his sorry ass, or enjoy watching him grovel at your feet for forgiveness. He’ll probably buy you a bunch of cool presents to make up for it, too.

Finally, try talking about your constant fighting when you’re sober and alone, like adults. I’ve found that the best way to solve most problems is simply talking them through. You can both figure out what is bothering the other and can take steps to alleviate these triggers. If you really want an incentive to stop fighting, Google “Evander Holyfield 2011.”

You don’t want to go all the way to the moon, Alice,