Dear V: I’m high on a guy, but he’s high on something else…

Dear V,

I have a really big crush on this guy. He is sexy, cute and caring (and he plays four musical instruments), but the part that gets on my nerves is that he is a big pothead. I studied in a Catholic girl school for my whole life before I came here. I have never told my friends I have a crush on him since most of my friends dislike him because he is a pothead. I don’t smoke pot, I don’t drink, I’m a virgin and I’m a Catholic. I know there are lots of nice Catholic boys out there, but they are so not my type. I don’t want to let my parents know either because they’ll be really mad. 

I can’t take my eyes off him whenever I see him, and I can’t tell myself not to think about him everyday. What should I do now?

Ave Maria


Dear When you hail Mary, he’ll be inhaling Jane,

What should you do? Should you admit that he’s made mistakes? Should you stop listening to your friends? They’re your friends! Should you accept his role as the villain? What should you do? Should you tell your parents HE IS NOT A ROLE MODEL? Seriously, what should you do? Should he be who you want him to be? Should I start answering your question instead of quoting that lame Lebron James commercial?

First of all, what does smoking pot have to do with being Catholic? Where in the Bible does it say weed is bad? Sure, it’s illegal, and perhaps this makes it immoral according to religious conventions, but we all “sin,” and the worst sin people who smoke pot usually commit is ordering too many “Crunch-wrap Supremes” at Taco Bell.

I respect everyone’s faith and religion, but you can’t let your faith close doors for you just because someone doesn’t fit the preconceived mold cast by the Papacy. Leave your Kottenmouth King’s judgment in God’s hands, not your own or anyone’s here on Earth (didn’t that one guy say that? Oh yeah, Jesus). If you really like him, go for it; as long as rocking the ganj isn’t keeping him from pursing his ambitions he should be fine.

Why do potheads annoy you? Because of who they are: children. They refuse to grow up and deal with reality so they puff themselves into a fantasy world where Method Man is a good actor and Jim Breuer still has a career. Potheads haven’t yet realized that life can be fun without setting their internal oven to “clean” mode.

That being said, let me reiterate what I said above: Potheads are generally harmless. Sure, they’re childish and annoying, but they don’t really hurt anyone. Potheads tend to be very nice people, and are easy to get along with because, while high, they don’t have the energy or the will to dislike anything. In short, if you can deal with constant, inappropriate grins and giggling, and the occasional “zone out,” then he can be for you; and I can say this – you’ll never find anyone who doesn’t have some sort of vice, and honestly, smoking pot is a pretty harmless vice if you ask me.

As long as laying around and baking isn’t the only thing he does all day; in other words, if he’s at least responsible enough to understand that he has to do something productive, then I wouldn’t worry about his habit too much.

Besides, life isn’t a Catholic all-girls school; you need to open yourself up to new people.

Snooch to the Nooch,


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