Dear V: I’ve become a mad woman…

Dear V,

I got out of a long (and turbulent) relationship about a year ago. Up to that point, I’d always been faithful and very selective with my sexual partners. In this last year, as a single lady, my number of partners has nearly tripled – I’m literally incapable of having a relationship. Either I cheat, or I grow tired of them right away, or I don’t date them at all and have to deal with clingy one-night stands. Am I being too selective or are there just slim pickings in Miami lately? My close friends say I’ve developed a Don Draper complex and gotten a taste for man-eating. Help!

Stuck in the Middle


Dear President Kennedy,

I actually had to look up who Don Draper was, but from the sounds of it, you fit the bill pretty well (and also from the sounds of it, your friends like pretentious TV shows).  That being said, it’s okay to go through the phase of not wanting to be tied down to a single lover. I think we all go through that phase at some point, and while I don’t condone cheating, I can understand wanting something a little more adventurous.

Before you ask me for help, you should probably try to help yourself. Why are you incapable of dating? One reason is that you consistently cheat on your partner. Who the hell would want somebody who finds it thrilling to sneak into others’ beds? The person who enjoys that might also enjoy making charitable donations to the IRS or encouraging stray cats to breed. Your excuse is just like anyone else’s – “they’re boring, they don’t excite me.” Stop dating men who have the personality of a tortoise.

There are over five and a half million people in Miami, if you can’t find someone from that scene, the city isn’t the problem. It’s not the man’s job to excite you, it’s a responsibility both of you have in a relationship, and if he isn’t exciting you, maybe it’s because you’re not giving him any incentive to. As far as your clingy one-night stands, you’re going to get some clingers because they don’t realize that you were just in it for a cheap thrill.

It sounds to me like you don’t enjoy the purgatory you’re in, which is that of somebody who isn’t ready for a commitment, but doesn’t want the crazy life of a wild bachelorette. I would try to find somebody you can have a little fun with, but also have a good conversation with. It’s a good medium between commitment and nightly orgies.


Now I think I’ll go listen to some Hall & Oates,


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