Dear V: You don’t need a stallion to ride off into the sunset…


Lately I’ve caught myself thinking about this guy at work. It was hard for me to even admit it to myself – it took me around two weeks to actually come to terms with my feelings for him. I’m a girl who’s never been attracted to a guy because of his personality, so this is a really big deal for me. And, it’s not that he’s really ugly, but he’s just not my typical stallion – he’s basically a bit of an unattractive nerd. Not to mention he likes to play Dungeon and Dragons in his dinosaur PJs on Friday nights, and even though I’m not a party animal, I think that’s kind of weird. 

Still, he’s a nice and funny guy, and I like him because he can hold an intellectual conversation on just about anything. Sometimes he says things that I’m not really sure if they’re flirtatious remarks or if they’re just friendly phrases – which, quite frankly, is kind of leading me on. And every time I catch him flirting with other girls at work I kind of get a twinge of unwanted jealousy. Should I give him a chance? How can I even begin to be friends with him? And what if I get rejected… by a nerd? Clearly, I need guidance. 


I’m too cool for school but I’ve got the hots for Steve Urkell


Dear Barbie Girl,

“[I’ve] never been attracted to a guy because of his personality,” Wow, you’re a real winner, these feelings you have for someone who can actually carry on a half-witted conversation are known as “growing up” or “not being a horny fourteen-year-old.” Here’s some truth, and yes, I am berating you right now, because I can’t send you to “time out.” You’re an adult, and one thing more pathetic than an adult playing D&D in his Jurassic Park PJ’s is an airhead whose soul is as deep as the water level at high tide.

I sincerely hope this revelation marks some sort of intellectual evolution for you, otherwise you’re destined to become a bimbo trophy wife; the one people aren’t afraid to insult because they know you won’t get it. One day, you and your partner are going to be old, shriveled up, and hideous, might as well find somebody you can carry a conversation with when that time comes. In boot camp, they break you down, then rebuild you. This is what I’m doing right now. You’re young, there’s still hope for you to realize that being around Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino would be as entertaining as washing lice eggs out of your hair. D&D might be exactly what you need. Sure, we all make fun of dorks, but here’s another truth: it’s because we envy them. Here’s a kid who knows exactly what makes him happy, and does it whether it’s a social faux pas or not. “Geekdom” is really innocence at heart; it’s the refusal to bind to superficial obligations that come with adulthood, which only lead to misery.

And the PJ’s? This dude has twice the cojones Steve McQueen or Chuck Liddell ever had, he’s willing to rock dino gear in adulthood because he loves freaking dinosaurs, that’s just getting off on a level most of us could ever even hope to reach. You should give his world a shot; you might actually appreciate someone being real. If he rejects you, then maybe you aren’t “cool” enough to ride with him (HEY! Must-be-cuz you’re Pho-Nay!).

Being superficial in youth is a common mistake, not correcting that in adulthood is a tragedy,



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