Dear V,
I am a gay Asian man who is desperate for love and a relationship. I got here three years ago and haven’t had sex since. It’s not that I don’t have opportunities. I am just not that much into meaningless casual sex. Since I was not born and raised here, it is a little hard for me to fit in the gay community. I tried some dating Web sites, but most of guys there are just looking for fun, rather than something serious.
Obviously, white and Latino people dominate the gay community in Miami. The majority of them only like their own race and there are not so many gay Asian men here to choose from. I really do not know how to start as a gay man. It is difficult to be gay in the first place, and I do not want to be marginalized again.
V, could you tell me what I need to do to end this painful moment? Is there any way to meet some gay friends at UM? I really do not want to waste my youth waiting for something magical to happen. I have to make it happen!
Sincerely,
Cute Rainbow
Dear Cute Rainbow,
Don’t fret lovely! All hope is not lost yet. You are way too young to be overly concerned with finding the love of your life. I will agree that being in a relationship is great and fun and reliable. Not to sound like a floozy, but who says you can’t mingle with the gay guys that are in Miami?
I don’t want you to do anything that you feel is untrue to yourself, but to be perfectly honest, a majority of college students, both hetero and homo, are not necessarily looking for the most serious of commitments. It’s a hard truth, but a lot of people have so much on their plate they just want to do what they do. However, I would like to point out that not all of the gay fellas at our school are slutting around.
Like I have told many others before, the people you want to be with are those you find at the places you love. Not into the club scene? Don’t go then. You can find that person you want to be with at the library (I mean they do call it Club Richter), through an organization or even in one of your own classes.
In regards to your ill feelings about the lack of diversity among the gay community, I can’t really change it. However, YOU can be the so-called inaugural Asian representative for the Rainbow party, yelling out, “I’m here! I’m queer!” Do not be afraid to be who you are and bring change. As I’m sure you have already realized, Miami is a very diverse campus with many interracial relationships. It can just as easily apply to you and a future boo.
In the meantime, relax. Try to not focus on the lack of romantic love in your life and instead look at the platonic love you experience. Your best friends do not need to be part of the “club.” Reach out to people who are different from you. You never know what joy you could be missing out on! Best wishes my little Cute Rainbow.
With love,
V