Dear V: I have the sexual experience of an elementary schooler

Dear V,

I’ve been flirting with a few guys recently and it’s made me think and worry. I’ve got pretty much the same amount of sexual experience as an elementary schooler at a playground. When the time comes, how do I tell the lucky guy this without feeling insecure and lame? There’s no way it won’t be awkward when we talk about past relationships and all.


Inexperienced and Insecure

Dear Inexperienced and Insecure,

It’s very refreshing to see that not everyone is slutting it up at our school. I’m glad you realize that you do not have to spread your legs and lower your morals to get someone to like you.

Now that I have gotten that off my chest let me assure you I am positive you are not the only sexually inexperienced person at UM. I know there is a big difference in not doing the deed and not doing anything at all, but, I mean, everyone has to cross those lines at some point in their lives.

With that being said, do not rush into things and possibly end up making rash decisions in the process. I’m glad to hear that you are mingling and getting your mojo fired up. Continue to play the field until that special someone catches your eye and is worth settling down for. You’re young and I’m sure you’re hot; don’t get tied down unless this dude is worth it.

As soon as you start to play the field I am sure you will find the guy that is in fact worth it. Why else would you be writing me? Do not be ashamed of your lack of sexual prowess. This guy must be pretty special, so he must be the kind of guy who won’t freak out when you tell him what’s up.

Don’t get too revealing and lay it all out on the table at once (i.e. telling a guy your whole sexual history in one sitting, whether you’re Mother Teresa or Kim Kardashian, is a major no-no). But I will say as weird as it may sound to you, guys sometimes like girls who have not previously been getting their grove on before. Yes, yes I know this sounds strange; we think of men wanting the sex goddesses. However, many guys like girls who are new to the gig because it eases the pressure on their performance and makes them think they can be excellent teachers. Warning: not all guys are excellent teachers.

The bottom line is if this guy is awesome enough for you to explore new things, then he will be pretty understanding of your situation. It may sound awkward to you when it comes out of your mouth, revealing your inexperience, but all he will be thinking is “score!” Be safe and have fun and stop being insecure with your lack of escapades.

With love,


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