I’m starting to appreciate that question that Tina Turner asked in the 80s: “What’s love got to do with it?” Of course, like most people, I want to be loved. But I’ve been on that path enough to know that I’m not ready, nor do I have the time. I’m at the end of my college career, preparing to enter the real world and hopefully kick some ass. But it’s that little thing called sexual desire that keeps me dating; that keeps me exerting energy I don’t have for guys who end up complaining that they “don’t know their place in my world.” Eek! I just want some good sex and snuggling. I had that with my ex-boyfriend, and I’ve found it’s hard to find without risk. I want to ask him if he would like to have something regular, with no strings attached this time around. The problem is I don’t know how to ask him about it without making it sound like I only want him for his penis. Do you have any ideas or suggestions?
Too busy to love
Dear Busy Lover,
I completely understand and respect the whole “career-first” angle you’re taking with your life. Often, many people easily become distracted by things, such as relationships, that hinder their initial goals and slow them down.
Fortunately for you, we live in a city where strictly sex is understood by many. However, your dilemma is slightly different. You wish to seek out a casual relationship with your ex.
This could go one of four ways in my mind: You both could agree that you want to keep things open and casual and explore a strictly sexual relationship with one another. You could find that this is a successful setup. However, you two could also rekindle whatever flame you had initially and subsequently fall back into the complacency and convenience of a somewhat distracting relationship.
The third option is that your ex gains feelings for you once more and you are left trying to get yourself out of a completely undesirable situation. The final road it could take would be your ex completely rejecting your offer and never wishing to communicate with you again.
I, being the eternal optimist, would hope that this person would at least be willing to hear out the offer. But I’m optimistic, not psychic.
I suggest you bring up the offer, in a very light manner, and see his reaction. If it does not pan out, there are many other individuals in this city that could provide semi-casual companionship.
But, more importantly, I also suggest that you reflect on what you really want: someone to rely on for casual sex and snuggling without the drama that usually is involved with a relationship. Perhaps you would like to be in a relationship with someone, just someone who is equally invested in his career and ambitions. This would provide sexual reliability and quality snuggle time. It would have the ideals of one another’s career paths at the forefront of the relationship, which could actually act as a support system for the other.
Decisions, decisions, my ambitious friend.