V's Take

Dear V: Do I need to tattoo ‘Dyke’ on my forehead?

Dear V,

I’m your typical college woman. I like to look nice, don’t go out without makeup and my clothes always match. There never seems to be a shortage of men checking me out or flirting with me. The only snag is I’m lesbian and although I am flattered, the “it’s not you it really is me” conversation is getting old. I know I’m extremely feminine (I was even a debutant!), but how can I send out the right vibes to the same sex without sacrificing my identity? Short of tattooing “DYKE” on my forehead, I don’t know what to do.

Sincerely,

Prada not Flannel

Hey Prada Mama,

Let me start out by making the most imperative point that I feel needs to be stressed: You never need to change yourself for someone else. Something tells me, call it my amazing intuition, that you are quite aware of this notion already.

Finding someone that you are truly compatible with, or at least compatible enough with to make it through a night (I’m not here to judge), is not an easy task – especially when your window of opportunity is much smaller then most.

You need to remember that it is not the clothes, makeup nor the membership to the Home Depot that makes the lesbian. Please note the sarcasm. But rather, it is the aura and chemistry that one exudes, thus allowing women to make a real connection.

There is no need to alter your appearance or demeanor in any way. Instead, work on your approach.

I suggest you work on your “directness” in order to get your message across. Bashfulness, along with with that glass ceiling and a woman’s place in the kitchen, is best left in the past.

When you notice a woman with whom you feel some attraction, initiate more eye contact. Repeat said eye contact and exude an overtly interested (not whorish or desperate) disposition. Far too many people feel that “the one” will come along when the time is right and the connection will be effortless.

PLEASE NOTE: Such strategies are best saved for teen dramas and will not work in the real world. You reap the rewards of your efforts. But keep in mind, this requires effort.

Furthermore, I suggest you venture out into other areas within Miami. Search for when and where ladies nights are held (there is typically a large lesbian presence) or find a similar element where you feel comfortable.

Despite how hopeless you may feel at times, remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea and you will catch yours. You simply need to leave out some bait, wait for a bite, then bring in your catch (and, to all my readers, possibly check it for mercury poisoning).

Cast away,

V

September 22, 2010

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

The Miami Hurricanes started the season No. 8 nationally in both major polls. Now, they’re nowhere t ...

With a bye week on the horizon, the meager University of Miami offense has nearly two weeks to attem ...

As bleak as it seems now for the University of Miami, the Canes can still take a repeat trip to Char ...

A half dozen takeaways from UM’s demoralizing 16-13 loss at Virginia on Saturday: ▪ As was the case ...

So, who’s the quarterback now? The No. 16 Miami Hurricanes came to Charlottesville on Saturday with ...

More than 600 students participate in the National Gandhi Day of Service, the largest annual service ...

Home Truth, the story of Jessica Lenahan’s pursuit of more effective domestic violence laws, screene ...

Members of the UM community who want to donate to relief efforts for those impacted by Hurricanes Mi ...

The University of Miami’s Model UN is working to expand its membership and reputation with its first ...

During a keynote address at a conference in Los Angeles, entrepreneurial heavyweight Magic Leap anno ...

The Miami Hurricanes volleyball team improved to 10-5, 6-2 in the ACC, with a 3-0 sweep of Boston Co ...

The Miami women's tennis team closed the Bedford Cup with a perfect day, winning each match in ...

Playing in front of a boisterous home crowd, the University of Miami soccer team earned a, 1-1, draw ...

The Hurricanes fell in their ACC road opener to the Virginia Cavaliers. ...

The Canes have won five straight games and are 2-0 in the ACC, but they know they have a tough road ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.