V's Take

Dear V: I want you back…

Dear V,

I have a big problem. You see, my ex-girlfriend left me, but we had everything — interest, chemical attraction, love, lust for each other. Now we haven’t talked in a month and a half, and I have no idea where to find her or if she’ll answer or even look at my message if I send her one. But my problem is that I still miss being with her. My question is: How should I try to talk to her to get her attention and maybe somehow manage to get a spark out of her?

Thanks for your time,

I Want You Back

Dear I Want You Back,

You say everything between you two was great. I’ll admit, if there was interest, chemical attraction, and love, things sound pretty good, but clearly something was missing. If everything had been perfect, she probably wouldn’t have left you. Obviously something wasn’t working, so you’ll have to figure out what that was and how to make it better.

Many times a girl can be upset and never drop a hint (or drop ones that are too vague for a single soul to notice). Try to think back to the relationship: Did you make any promises you forgot to keep? Could you have done more? Were there any warning signs that she was losing interest? Since you probably don’t know the answer to these questions, why not ask? She’s the one who left you, so if anyone will be able to tell you what went wrong, chances are it’s her.

Try writing her an email or leaving a voicemail letting her know you’d like to talk. This way she has the option of deciding what to do with the message (if you’re polite, thoughtful, and to the point, she’ll most likely call you back). Try to set up a time to meet and be completely honest with her. Ask her what changed that made her not want to be with you anymore, take the criticism, and let her speak. The truth might hurt but it’s better than wondering and assuming.

At least if you know the problem, you can take steps to go about fixing it.  If you really still have strong feelings for her, show her! Knowing how much you miss her might make her realize how much she misses you. Be the bigger person and she’ll probably come around in no time.

Godspeed!

V.

August 29, 2010

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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