Dear V,
My fiancée that I am in love with, has recently expressed to me that she is bisexual. We have joked about how we are attracted to the same girls, but jokes have started to make me feel insecure, even though I am very sexually experienced. I am open-minded and very sexually liberal myself, but the fear of losing her to someone I can’t compete with has me worried. I want her to experience that side of herself, but in a controlled environment where I can supervise. Still, there is a side of me that wonders if she is truly happy, knowing that there is a hunger that I can’t satisfy.
Player for the Right Team
Dear Right Teamer,
First of all, bravo to you for being so supportive of your wife-to-be. A lot of men would be much less sensitive to this subject, and I think it’s great that you are making things work between you in this new situation. If you love her as much as you say, I’m sure things will work out just fine for you two.
That being said, I understand how even with your liberal attitude, this can be a difficult new challenge to deal with. Dating in college is hard enough without discovering your lover swings both ways. I think it’s important to remember this: she chose to date you, she’s engaged to you, she clearly wants to be with YOU. Just because she’s also attracted to girls, doesn’t mean she going to go running off with one in the middle of the night. There are plenty of happily married couples out there where one partner is straight, the other bisexual; there is no reason this can’t work for you too.
If you’re really open to letting her play some for the other team (supervised, as you said), go for it. I think a play-date with another lady-friend would not only help your fiancée experience her new desires, but also show her how much you care and how supportive you are of her new discovery.
While she may be missing out on some things by being in a monogamous relationship with you, I doubt she’s unhappy. She wouldn’t have said yes to a marriage proposal if she thought she wanted to be with a woman instead of you. Stay in the game, support her, and you’ll both be on the winning team.
Best,
V
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