V's Take

Dear V: My girlfriend’s request is too out of this world…

The following column contains explicit sexual content and may offend some readers.

Dear V,

My girlfriend is amazing in every way. Our sex life is quickly becoming out of this world. But the other night while in the moment, she took one giant leap for man kind. We were having sex when she asked me to “space dock” her. When I asked her what it meant, she said all I had to do was defecate into her vagina. Do I leave her or do I stay? If I were to stay, how do I bring her back down to earth?

Sincerely,

Cosmonaut


Dear Cosmonaut,

First of all, wow. I can honestly say that even I have never heard of that one, thanks for adding some flavor to this week’s column.

Intrigued by this concept, I tried to do some research for you, however, your girlfriend’s interests are so far out of this world, even the internet was not much help.

I do have to let you know that for women it’s very dangerous to have fecal matter near the opening of the vagina, because it introduces bacteria that can lead to urinary tract infections. I could be wrong here, but I doubt she’ll like abdominal pain and burning urination afterward, so unless she wants this unpleasant paranormal activity goin’ on down there, I suggest you keep your flying object away from her black hole.

Although this was an unusual request that clearly made you uncomfortable, I don’t think it’s grounds for abandoning ship just yet. As you said, your girlfriend is amazing and other than this incident, your sex life sounds like it must be pretty good.

Try just talking to her about everything else you love in the bedroom. This will make her see that it’s not her that’s the issue, just that specific request. Let her know about the health risks too. I doubt she’ll want you to dock your spaceship anywhere near there if she knows how uncomfortable she’ll be in the morning.

Hope this helps!

V

Have a question for V? Hit up DearV@themiamihurricane.com.


March 28, 2010

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


3 COMMENTS ON THIS POST To “Dear V: My girlfriend’s request is too out of this world…”

  1. Visitor says:

    Or…. defecate in a condom. Lol, safety first!

    (no, seriously; leave her)

  2. Visitor says:

    Leave her. Erase her from your mind. Find someone normal before you turn celibate.

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